I am powerful beyond measure.

   The Lord has not made me incompetent, He has made me powerful beyond measure. Even when things are fearful, the living God has not given me a spirit of timidity, but of power, of love and of self-confidence. Lately, God has shown me just a glimpse of the creation He has designed for me; and it's terrifying. But I know The Lord of lords can do immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine and His plans for me are plan A.
     I'm scared, not solely because these plans take me out of my comfort zone, but mostly because these plans involve me leaning on God every second of the day. I'm scared because, with God, I am brilliant. I am liberated, set free and God's plans for me are every single one of my aspirations wrapped into one glowing ball of fire fueled by the work I put into them, fighting to be released for my good and His glory.
     The bible says, acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your path straight. Let me say that again: acknowledge Him in all your ways. Not just some, not just the big decisions, but every. single. one. I have to wake up in the morning and acknowledge God when I choose what road I take to work or what I wear for the day. What classes I take in the fall, what words I choose to say. I have to acknowledge Him, because if and when I don't, my life crumbles around me. If I don't acknowledge God in all my ways, I'm choosing to acknowledge other things, and let me tell you, that fails you faster than oiled feet on a slip-n-slide.
     I spent years of my life trying to loosen the grip God had on me. It was a tug-of-war between Him and me. He'd pull me closer into His plans, but I got scared and I eventually let go. But when I fell into that mud hole in the center of our rope, the only one who climbed down there with me was Him. I had to burn my ships and make my home in God's arms. Everyday is no less easy, but everyday is much more worth it. God has chosen me. He wants me. My playing small does not serve the world.
     The following is a poem I wrote. When people ask me my testimony, I usually recite lines from this writing. If this resonates with anyone, I pray you read the second part of this poem as a prayer. It's the best decision I've ever made and it's the only thing that has never failed me.

I was told by the world that treasures were measured by money, power and fame
That the only way to survive was seeing things through clouded eyes
So I believed in the world's lie and tried to disqualify myself from the life I had been chosen for
I could be part of this world and love God at the same time
As long as neither found out about the other
I was an adulterous to my own life
I was imprisoned to my sin
Knowing that Christ had already paid that price 
And made me alive again
Yet I still found myself serving that sentence
Enslaved to that idol that I claimed repentance
Being reminded by God
That yes, His grace covers
But I wasn't walking in the manner in which He called me
I didn't understand that what He was asking for was all of me

So I flirted with that line of holy and mundane until it faded 
Could only find God on Sundays when my cries were belated
And the lens I was looking through only made me more jaded

But I knew God
I knew the creator of this universe
I couldn't barter my way into His presence
I had to remain in Him with no chance of going back  
I had to burn my ships and face the facts 
That I wasn't destined for average
I was chose for something great
I couldn't let fear or comfort cripple me from my fate
I knew if I waited longer
My role could be replaced

So I kept no flaw of mine from Him
For He already knew it
Gave Him my brokenness so He could use it
Because He told me that every detail of my life was for my own benefit
That my story would help someone
But only if I allowed it 

So I was refined by His fire
Went to the background and gave Him center stage
Wanting to be a speck in His story
Just a period on a page
Any more of me would be robbing Him of His glory 
And my only purpose is to bring Him praise

So I render myself in His hands as clay 
Staring at the ashes of what was
With no way back, I'm here to stay

The Love of a Father

     All day long, I've been asking God to show me something new of Him. To show up in a big way. "God, let the only thing missing in my life be more of you."
     Today, I've been reminded again of the love of my earthly father.
God's been showing me that a lot. He's reminded me of all that my own dad has done for our family.
     Pat Hicks is the closest example I have of God's love, provision, Jesus' obedience, and sacrifice. My dad desires to give me things and in the days when the Hicks Family didn't even have enough money to pay attention, my father would sacrifice his needs to fulfill the needs of his wife and kids, to fulfill our wants, even. Oh, how I thank God for the example He has given me of that man.
     God tells me, "Alyssa, the amount your dad loves you is just a drop in the ocean of how much I love you, how much I want to give you. And you don't even realize how much that man loves you. I love you so much more."
     I've learned how to obey God by obeying my father, I've learned to trust in God to provide, because I've always had that trust in my own dad to provide. I have an idea of God's love for us because of the love my dad has for my mom.
     Oh, and my mother. She is the most Proverbs 31 woman I know, and it's an effortless task for her (it's kind of annoying) but that's the way God made her. I know what it means to be a woman because she has been nothing short of that my whole life. I have a better picture of who God is and I've learned to know Him better because of my parents and I thank God for that every day.
     So, to all of those who are new parents, got one brewing in your belly or aren't talking to your teenager, let me tell you this: I know God better because my parents know Him better. I desire to know Him better because of my parents and I've been set out into the world because they know I belong to Him and I praise God for that, for them.