Big Blind

Last weekend, I learned how to play poker. I want to apologize ahead of time to all ladies, for I exemplified every reason women should not be allowed to play poker. I talked, asked too many questions, I was nosey. But why should I just throw away my cards? What's everyone else's hand? How can he just win that without showing us his cards, what if mine were higher or whatever? For lent I gave up participating in gossip, I didn't think it was that big of a problem but I am a girl so I knew there was always room for improvement. In the beginning, I had a hard time defining what was actually gossip and what was just conversation. I lived by Colossians 3:17 and  2 Timothy 2:16. I tried to justify my story telling and listening or caught myself stopping in mid-sentence, realizing this wasn't honoring to God. It sucked, but I found myself talking to God more and I guess that's the whole point of fasting from things, so it served its purpose. In Texas HoldEm you're given two cards, from the beginning you bet whether your cards are better than your competitors, once everyone has bet you turn over 3 cards the first round, and then one and one more the next rounds trying to make the most out of the two cards in your hand and 3 other cards on the table. The problem is, you don't know anyone else's hand. You only know the hand you were dealt. As each round went, my curiosity grew and I wondered what cards they were dealt. Sometimes they tell you, out of bribery or carelessness, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just don't tell you and you'll never know what was going on on the other end. God asked me to do something earlier this year that was totally out of my comfort zone and, like gossiping, I tried to justify my not doing it. I tweaked his question and talked myself out of it a million and two times, I talked to all of my closest friends about it and all of them agreed that God's reasoning for me to do it was greater than any make believe reason I could think of not to do it. I've mentioned before the guy from tpx camp who goes to MSU as well, God wanted me to tell him that he impacted my walk 4 years ago and how. After months of chickening out, today I did it. I had so many fears of what might be his response but I reminded myself that God does not give us a spirit of timidity. Most of the time he looked at me like I was crazy but I knew if it seems I'm crazy it is to bring glory to God. At the end of our conversation all I wanted to do is ask to see his hand. What cards were he dealt? Why is God asking me to go all in? I don't know, may not ever know. I'm just one domino that allowed God create whatever chain reaction is in store. I did what He wanted me to do and even though it may drive me crazy not knowing His will and having blind faith, it's a bet I'm willing to take any day. 

What Would Jesus Do

Today, at church, in honor of Palm Sunday, we talked about Jesus.
As you may know, Jesus is the man who came to earth and saved the world of its sin, because God so loved the world and because Jesus, who came into the world yet was not of the world...and the rest. This year, God's shown me Jesus' death in a different light; I know that Jesus died for my sins and I know because of His great love with which He loved us I have been given grace and hope and the Holy Spirit, but that's not all.
This year,God's shown me how much more childlike my faith has to be. Unlike most college students who are trying to gain independence, I need to be even more dependent on God. And that that first starts with obedience.
When I think of Jesus, I think of this man in a big, white robe with a glowing aura, who never joked and was never clumsy, who never had a bad hair day or who ever farted, but odds are Jesus did all of the above. The guy is the light of the world; He was the man of the hour, He lit up a room with His contagious personality. Jesus was human, or God in the flesh, so He had something on me, but still--He was human, just like me.
And like me, Jesus was dependent on God, He was obedient to His will. Jesus fed 5,000; He turned water in to wine, He walked on water, but Jesus was able to do all of this because of His faith in God. I'm sure Jesus wasn't ecstatic knowing that He was going to be beaten, embarrassed, ridiculed, and killed for the sake of all of our behalf, but He did it because God asked Him to. Jesus died, not only for us, but for God. God asked Him to, He was obedient. In the same way, God asks for our obedience.
I think it's harder for me to grasp the resurrection because I know the end of the story, I know Jesus beats death and I'm the fruit of that, but to live that faith now is so much harder because as humans, we wants to know what we're expecting.
I know I never lived to see Jesus feed the 5,000 or watch Him walk on water, but I was there to see Joey Butler remain faithful to God and our church after he was told about his cancer and life expectancy, I was there to witness to the Sterling's obedience to God when He asked them to adopt five kids from Peru, and I got to see those 5 fruits that came from that obedience. I never got to taste that water that was turned into wine but I was able to watch my dad, Doug Benjamin and Joe Maloney submit to God's calling on their lives and start a bible study within a prison. But if it wasn't for their willingness to put all of their faith into God, nothing would've happened. Lives wouldn't have been changed, lives wouldn't have been saved. We all must take up our own cross.
Even in His humaness, Jesus was faithful and obedient to God's will, so who am I to flee from the goodness of God that is completing His will?

Is there Chipotle in Heaven?

Last week, I did something rather embarrassing--even for me.
It was Wednesday, which is known to be a very busy day for me. I have three classes back to back and then an hour break before my fourth and final class of the day. I had woken up late (10:30 AM) and didn't get a chance to get breakfast before my class that started in 15 minutes, a dangerous combination on these days already because of how scarce my time is to eat, but I battled through and didn't even notice my hunger until my second class around noon. I was on Twitter reading through my timeline and someone mentioned Chipotle.
"Oh that sounds good," said Alyssa's conscious. Nothing new, Alyssa's conscious always thought Chipotle sounded good. Then someone else mentioned Chipotle.
"Wow, when was the last time I've had Chipotle," Alyssa's stomach growled. I knew I didn't have time to get Chipotle on a Wednesday anyways; plus, in my rush to get ready, I forgot to put my contacts in. Even if I wanted Chipotle I wouldn't be able to get it because I'd be driving six blocks visually impaired.
Six blocks. The more I thought about it, the more my stomach growled. I had my wallet in my backpack, that never happened: sign. Google Maps said it would only take 22 minutes to get there, times two, I still had 16 minutes to eat it stationary: sign. As my second class got out and I was headed to my third class before my hour break, I contemplated how badly I truly wanted Chipotle. Nope. No question, at the end of this class in Strong I would walk all the way across campus to get to National--the equivalent to 7 highway to y'all Blue Springs folks--and get Chipotle, luckily my friend agreed to go with me. Class got out and I ran.
I looked like a running back going through the middle heading towards the end zone as I ran through students on campus. Spin to the left, a juke to the right. I ran my way through campus until I made it to National, six more blocks to go.
It was then when I realized my visuals were still necessary. The entire trek to Chipotle was blessed with beautiful weather and I had the green light at each intersection. My contacts didn't matter the closer I got, because Chipotle got clearer by each stride. I finally got to Chipotle and ordered what I wanted and started my journey back. I made it there in 18 minutes, Google Maps.
It was back in my dorm when I found just enough extra time to play one song on Guitar Hero that I turned to my friend and said, "You know, that Chipotle was good, but not nearly as satisfying as God."
I'm at a point in my life right now that even Chipotle can't satisfy. God provides and He is worth more than anything this world has to offer me.
I've done some pretty insane things to get a Chipotle burrito, but how often did I run up busy streets towards things God desires for my life? There's been so many times God leaves my wallet in my backpack, gives me all the green lights and beautiful weather to run towards something he's prepared for me. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm running towards, but the closer I get the clearer it becomes. Is my desire for what the Lord wants for me stronger than my own desires? Is it even close to as fulfilling? Let me run with arms sprawling towards the desires of God. Towards the desires that have become my own.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.