Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening

Dear God,
     Thank You. As I remember each breath that leaves my lungs is from Your grace, I pray that I hold tight to Your promises. God, keep me wholeheartedly invested in whatever it is You have for me. Drown out all other noises except Your voice and continue to allow me to grow in Your desires. Make my hands Your hands, my feet Your feet and keep me focused on the prize that only You can offer. Make my walk draw others close to You and let my talk overflow of Your blessings. God, I pray that this is not only my prayer today, for a new year, but for every new day. Let each hour of my life be dedicated to Your mission for me. Speak, Lord, for you servant is listening.

Oceans by Hillsong should come with a warning label: My Summer Plans and Other Musings

     This song has led to more problems than promises. This song was brought into my life in a season of harvest, at a time in my life when God was good and after a long season of laboring, I was finally seeing the fruit of that labor. One night, I posted some of the song lyrics (Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me) to my twitter and that night I got a phone call from one of my best friends. 

     Logan: "Why did you post that song?"

     Me: "I don't know, I had just been listening to it all day and it's kind of been a cry for me."

     Logan: "It's been my prayer for a while."

     MISTAKE NUMBER ONE. Do NOT ask God to lead you somewhere unless you are not willing to do so. He WILL in fact call you to somewhere, whether you're willing to go or not, the opportunity will arise and you will have the choice to take God's blessings or leave it. But I was naive and thought it was a good idea. As I continued to pray this song over my life, I felt moved to ask my four closest friends what they had planned for the summer. I asked them just as a telemarketer would try to sell you a household bluetooth device.

     Me: "Are you guys tired of the ordinary lives we're all living? Do you ever feel dragged down by the mundane and just want do something new to do?"

     Samantha: "Yes!"

     Logan: "yea!"

     Olivia: "Yessss"

     Me: "Well I've really felt led to invite you all to a trip with me. I don't know where yet, but I want to extend this invitation, because I feel like God wants you guys with me, too. Whether it's all of you or just one, God's telling me to invite you all, too."

     So for the next few days we asked around about some missions opportunities and prayed where God wants us to go individually. A week later, we gathered back up and discussed our options. On our list, we had Florida, Haiti, London, Peru, China and Jerusalem. When we all came together, Logan had came to the conclusion that Peru was where God wanted her. For me, I felt like God was calling me to go wherever my friends go. There was a strong pull on my heart to live life with them, that I needed to be willing to go where God was leading them and in turn leading me. Samantha was in between Peru and China, so we all agreed to pray daily at 3:00 pm and ask God about our plans and to take the leap of faith, wherever that may be. As for Olivia, Oceans had led her to an entirely different direction, but I'm sure she would be willing to share with whoever may ask her. 

     So as for my summer, Logan, Samantha and I will be spending six weeks in Peru working at an orphanage. We will be living life with the women in the community and loving on children while spreading God's word and love to others' lives. We will have much more later on updates, but as for now, please take this away: if you're going to pray for opportunity, also pray for preparation. As for me, I'm excited for what God has planned and I'm excited to include you all in that plan. 

     Please check out our Peru blog, where we will update about our journey getting there, being there and heading back: http://lasperu.wordpress.com

Roses and Thorns, but Mostly Thorns.

ADVISEMENT: All of these are real life examples, though they are extremely unimportant to my driving point. Please feel free to scan and only read the bold, italicized words.
     Thorn 1: Today was an awful day and I hated every minute of it. I woke up from having food poisoning all day yesterday, being stuck in bed. On time and well rested, I didn't think today was going to be so bad. I had a presentation, but I wasn't too worried about it; public speaking doesn't really get to me.
     Thorn 2: I have three classes back to back, so my first class was totally bogus and all we did was talk about the final, basically he left us no hope, so that was encouraging. I asked my friend in class when our final assignment was due. She replied with a queasy face, "At 9.00 this morning."
     It was 10:30
     Thorn 3: Then was my presentation. I get to class a little early to prepare and as I look for my abstract on my article. I don't have it. I look on my USB. Not on it. Check my email, maybe? Nope.
     Thorn 4: Finally it was time for me to present. My slideshow was incompatible with the internet browser.
     Thorn 5: Later that afternoon, one of my roommates and I went to the store and I offered to drive, lost my keys.
     Thorn 6: Then, we decided walked to the library to get some studying done. I find the perfect little study space and zip open my backpack to start working. My books missing. I left it at home.
     Thorn 7: So I start the long hike back to my apartment to get my book and hike all the way back to the library only to find my perfect little study space stolen. Cool.
     Thorn 8: After the library, I had to head to class. I don't have a final in this class, we only have to turn in some papers. I had emailed myself the last two papers, so I could print them off in class. Yeah, turns out I emailed myself the same paper twice. It's fine.
     Thorn 9: After class, I head to the computer lab, to finish the work I started in the library. I unzip my backpack to grab my USB, but nothings there. I left it in class. Yep, so to class, I head back.
     Thorn 10: Once I'm done with the computer lab, I wait for the campus shuttle to take me home. I sit in front of the student union like SpongeBob in the Glove World episode waiting for a bus, but one never comes... (Ok, that was a little dramatic). So I pull my phone out, but it's dead.

     It's almost 8:00 and I'm finally home. I just want to thank everybody who's still reading this (or skipped down to this part). The first thing I wanted to do was sit down and talk about how awful my day was. List out all the things that went wrong and dwell in the things that didn't go my way. I can sit here and complain, but who wants to listen to that? Who cares? I'm going to be honest and say, no one actually cares if things go your way or not. If you had a delightful PB&J for lunch a morbid turkey sandwich. No one actually cares. The only one it really effects is yourself, so whether it's a PB&J or turkey on rye, you have the choice to find the rose in that situation.

     Rose 1: I woke up feeling refreshed, I wasn't suffering from my own dumb consequences of eating expired food...
     Rose 2: That was the last assignment of the semester, whether I missed it or not, I am done with that class!
     Rose 3:Thankfully, one of my roommates was home and she was able to log onto my computer and email it to me in time.
     Rose 4: I've finally learned how to work Windows 8 and was able to open it up in a different browser without anyone really noticing.
     Rose 5: I had my keys in my backpack the whole time, ha. I'll blame my memory loss on the food poisoning and all that funny medicine.
     Rose 6: I was able to get some extra exercise in! ("extra" used loosely).
     Rose 7:Ok, so this kind of sucks, still, but I'm at a university library, it's not like I wasn't surrounded by other perfect little study spaces.
     Rose 8: I had to rewrite this paper, but it wasn't nearly as long and it only took me about 15 minutes. That class has a printer, so I could finish it without my teacher even noticing.
     Rose 9: I was one of the last ones to leave class, my teacher was talking about aviation or some other lame topic with a student. Luckily they're conversation didn't bore them enough! They were still there, so I was able to get back into the classroom and my USB was right where I left it.
     Rose 10: I was able to get a little extra, extra exercise in! And, it's 2013 in America. I was 8 feet away from an outlet in every direction, plus I had my charger.

     Today, I read an article about a kid in India who was brutally killed for his Christian faith. My first thought was, "I at least have it better than that guy." But that's not my goal. I don't want to compare my suffrages with others; I want to pray for their benefit, comfort them with love, mercy and humility. After all, the only person our circumstances really effect is ourselves. So choose goodness.
And don't ask God for patience.

Safety Net

     This is the spoken word I wrote and recited at church yesterday, the words were requested for me to post, so here they are. Here's a video from church with Olivia, because it doesn't sound nearly as good without her.
     I wrote this poem in a very hopeless place. After all I've---we've had to face lately, I had the option but to pursue His hope or cry on my own shoulder. I've done the latter and it's just not as
satisfying.

God, I don't know what You're doing
I don't understand Your plans
But I'm hurt, I'm broken and the only thing I have left to cling to is all I know
So as I cry awaiting Your reply you give me the choice: to sit in my misery or walk in Your light
So I fight

I fight for my joy, protect my hope, run towards Your love
Because I can't sit here like a sitting duck waiting for my luck to change
You gave me Your life so in return I'll give You mine

I'll face the fire with hope, knowing that not even in the furnace am I alone
My hope that knows You can save me and my hope that's content if You don't
My hope that isn't in my excuses or the voices of the anonymous
My hope that is in You, the only One who keeps all His promises
So I'll pursue Your hope, because nothing satisfies more than the joy I've fought for
Because the hope that I pursue isn't the desire that You'll pull through
My hope in You is surer than the sun will rise
It's clearer than the morning sky
It's brought forth in my darkest moments

Because I know the promise that has occurred and is yet to come
The promise that came and conquered the chains
That held my hand when I couldn't stand
The promise that brings my soul to rest
the promise that had me on His mind when He breathed His last breath
So all of my life in every season
You are still God I have a reason to sing
God, I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise, I will rejoice, I will declare
Because God You are my victory, God You are here

So I'll go where You take me
I'll sit where You tell me
I'll dwell in Your existence
For You have me and that's enough

So I give thanks to You for the dirt
I thank You for the new creations
I thank You for the hurt
Because my circumstances won't rob You of Your adoration
They won't keep me in the boat
I will sprint towards Your hope
Because You are good
And tomorrow won't change that

This is a link to The Desert Song by Hillsong, which is the bridge and chorus that Olivia sings over me. A great song and one definitely worth checking out :)

The man, the myth, the legend: Joey Butler

     This past Sunday, our pastor Joey Butler passed away from a two-year battle of cancer. We were told the news at church that Sunday on God's perfect timing. I was surrounded by my Gateway family and was able to process the news the way God intended.
     Joey was a lot of things to a lot of different people. He was a devout husband, a proud father, Joey was a friend, a mentor, to some he was a coach, but to most of us--to all of us Joey was a shepherd. He was a man that used God's spiritual giftings on his life to lead other's to Him and make disciples. When I look at the all the titles Joey proudly upheld, I think of his first and most important one: Joey was a follower of Christ, and an obedient follower at that. He went where God took him, sat where God told him to and allowed God to speak through him to reach so many souls whose callings were shaped because of the words God spoke through him.
     When I found out about Joey's cancer I remember sitting in church that Sunday in December and I prayed for healing. I prayed that God would save lives, I prayed that He would perform miracles. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that God did just that. In these past two years, I've witnessed miracles, I saw those lives saved and I saw more healing than I could have ever asked or imagined; far more better than physical healing. God used something so ugly to bring glory to Him and Joey was His obedient tool.
     I look at my community, my church family, even here at school in Springfield and I can see Joey's ripple effect wave over. What most excites me about Joey's life is that he was a tool used by God until the very end. He was worthy of His calling and so am I; so are you. I pray daily that the example Joey gave us isn't left without void, that we don't strive to just be more like Joey, but we all strive to look more like Christ.
     Tonight, at Joey's celebration of life, God will continue to use Joey to draw us close to Him. My prayer is that we look towards God and submit to His plan for our life as an obedient follower, just as those who have gone before us.

"All of my life, in every season
You are still God, I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship" -Hillsong
    

Survival of the Youngest

     Last night, I had the pleasure to witness child after child dressed up in costumes that their mother slaved over for months. Either by sewing some adorable astronaut outfit by hand or by using the 21st century mother approach of working, which will buy her child an outfit for a ridiculous amount of money that he or she will only wear once. I saw monsters from movies and race car drivers, whose names no one knows. Every little kid proudly announced whom they were aspiring to be and every mother's face glowed as she knew she played a part in her child's excitement.
     Personally, I don't really like kids and I've never understood holidays, but this year, one of my roommates wanted to decorate our apartment. Although I was reluctant at first, I saw how happy it made her, so it made me happy. I cut coffee filters and Gatorade bottles alongside her to make ghosts and glued colored cotton balls to toilet paper until we had the perfect mummy-spider ratio.
     I'm someone who is known for their cynicism. I just don't really understand other's excitement over lame stuff. Maybe it's pride, maybe it's maturity, but it's definitely a buzz kill and a sin that keeps me from encouraging.
     Last nights costumes made me think of one thing and one thing only. What are the odds that the little girl in the doctors coat is actually going to grow up and become a doctor? Or the little boy who is dressed as Ironman? What will become of him?
     When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and be a high school football coach. I also wanted to be a lion, and with my hair, those aspirations were probably more reachable than the coach. But the point is, I never had anyone tell me I couldn't. At least not for the first 12 or so years of my life. No one ever told me to give up on my dreams. I had no cynical influences in my life telling me to give up on my dreams, even though most people thought, or knew, they were unattainable.
     How many kids grow up to be what they always wanted? When does reality set in and give is this faulty idea that we're not worth what we want? When do our goals just become dreams? I remember the first time I heard an airplane and I didn't look up to the sky searching for it. My first thought was, "man, I guess I'm not a kid anymore." How awful! It was the most mundane moment of my life. For a moment I felt like there was no magic left in the world. I was just a girl who heard airplanes, but wasn't fascinated by them. I had no one there to hold my hand and point them out to me. Airplanes were just airplanes and I would never be a lion.
     Last night was a reminder of childlike faith. A reminder to guard and encourage the hearts and minds of those around me. To spur on each and every believer beside me and be fascinated by everything. To find the blessing in everything. It's easy to lose faith in a world that's fighting to keep breathing. But the world is just like the rest of us, fighting to survive. Even cancer just wants to live. But what makes my life different?
     I'm living for a purpose. I have Someone fighting for me. Someone grabbing my hand when I drift away and holding my head above water when I can't swim on my own. I have someone who keeps my head up looking for airplanes.


Exodus 14:14
     For The Lord your God will fight for you if you will just be still. 

I think God's a Chiefs fan.

     Anyone from Kansas City can relate to my struggle of team loyalty. As a Loyal Royal and a member of Chiefs Nation, some seasons I've had to put in more effort than I got out, but that's what devotion looks like.
     To earn understanding and respect for the Chiefs, you must first see some of their past. To make this as simple as possible, I'll talk only about their past season records.
     In 2010, the Chiefs finished the season with a 10-6 record, meaning they won 10 games of the 16 they played. That was a tremendous improvement from their 2009 season, where they finished with a 4-12 record. But it was kind of all downhill from there. In 2011, they only won 7 of their 16 games and last year, in 2012, the Chiefs ended their season 2-14. That means they won 2 games out of the 16 they played. Two games. The Chiefs tied for the worst record of the season and lost all chances of making it to the playoffs by week 12 of the regular season. Though they tied for the worst record, statistically speaking, the Chiefs were the worst team in the NFL.
     As fans, we've watched this franchise hire and fire coaches, trade players, break players, heal players, and lose players. Yet as fans, we were ecstatic about qualifying for the first pick in the 2013 NFL draft, we still wore the jerseys of injured players, we saluted Reid and respected Dorsey as they came to our rescue this season. Because as fans, all we truly want is to see our team do well.
     After talking to one of my good friends Megan Armstrong, who broke down the coaching and the Chiefs' success, the how is more clear. How did the Chiefs come from the worst team in the NFL to the top of the AFC West, having the best record in football? This season every defensive player is ranked in the top 15 of his position, yet not much change to the roster from last season. The talent was there, what their defense lacked was the guidance. The team had no sense of family, no reason for unity. We look at players like Alex Smith who needed a fresh start from San Francisco, or even head coach Andy Reid who needed a new beginning after Philadelphia.
     Specifically, quarterback Alex Smith isn't outstanding on his own, he doesn't have a cannon for an arm or the most delicate long ball. But Reid still saw potential in him and needed Smith for his vision for the Chiefs. Jamaal Charles hasn't ran nearly as many yards as his previous seasons with the Chiefs, but has high, if not the highest fantasy value of running backs.

     I don't write this to express my strong feelings for the Chiefs and Kansas City pride. I don't write this to get you excited about average players under good leadership. I write this because with every play I watch, every article I read, statistic thrown at me, with every press conference I tune into, I see God's provision in my own life. I'm just an average quarterback with a good offensive coordinator. With teammates around me playing their position in the Body of Christ to make up a winning team. And as a fan, I see my brother's and sister's in Christ fail from time to time again, yet I root for their success and I'm still standing next to them when they're back on their peaks and I'll be there for them when they're back in the valleys.
     God has a plan for us. But only if we're willing to let Him use our talents can He use us for His glory. Only if we're willing to walk blindly onto His waters, only if we're willing to accept the trade to a new city. To get over the pain of not being good enough in the world's standards, can we be made strong by His measure. God has a vision if you have the passion.
     Guys, God uses sub par, average people for extraordinary things, but only if you're listening, only if you let Him.

I'm just a donkey

     There's an ongoing joke in my house that I'm the good kid; the "Tebow" of the family. I'm the one with the answers on "how to pray" and what bible verse is applicable to whichever situation. Almost every bible reference conversation with directed to me starts with, "Now, I'm sure you know this better than I do, Sis, but in the bible it says. . ." Those factors have played two huge, totally different roles in my walk. They've fed both my insecurities and my pride.
     In high school, it was a huge pressure to be the Tebow of the family. I just wanted my siblings and peers to look at me like a normal teenager. So I tried to run from my spiritual calling and went out and made some dumb decisions to bring my suburban street cred up. These things never really got me on my parents' bad side--that was kind of annoying--but instead, my parents did an almost too good of job at showing Christ through their parenting, for they never once condemned me for my faults. They were surely disappointed, which is always worse, but they protected me. They established their authority, but they gave me grace and love all the same.
     Now, those dumb decisions didn't get the same response from others. The devil fed me lies that I wasn't good enough to be back in God's graces. That these people would always be there judging me and my walk and I might as well just give up.
     But was I seeking the approval of man or of God? Or was I trying to please people? If that's the case, I wouldn't be a servant for the Lord.
     Galatians 1:10 was constantly being rehearsed in my head, because I constantly had to remind myself that those other people didn't matter, I wasn't a people pleaser, I was a servant of Christ. I was a carrier, an ambassador of His good news and He would use my story to bring Him glory.
     Years removed from that part of my walk, I find myself stuck on the other end of that spectrum. I'm not being fed the lies that I'm not good enough, it's the lies that I'm too good. What's the point of memorizing more scripture if I already have so much memorized as it is? Why would I read more of my Bible if I've already heard all those stories and know how they end? My parents think my walk is more than sufficient, why go overboard?
     There's a story in Matthew (21:1-11) about "The Triumphal Entry" when Jesus comes into Jerusalem on a donkey and the crowds are stoked about seeing their Savior come. The crowds shout, "Hosanna in the highest!" for Jesus, the Son of God, the salvation that they've been waiting for is finally in front of them. Like, people are going crazy. The passage even says they laid their cloaks and branches on the road for Jesus and his donkey, so he wouldn't have to even step on the dirt below Him.
     I always knew this story as Palm Sunday, the Sunday before Easter. I never thought much of it until I heard it in new light during one Palm Sunday church service.
     What if the donkey thought all this commotion was for him?
     What if the donkey saw the crowds yelling to Hosanna in the highest, dropping their cloaks to the ground and thought it was all for him, the donkey? When in all actuality, the donkey's sole purpose is to fulfill prophecy, to carry the message that the Savior has come.
     I tend to forget that no praise and glory is for me, I'm just a reflector of His majesty. I don't need the praise and glory, in fact, I have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. I tend to forget the other side of Galatians 1:10. That I'm not seeking the approval of man, but of God. Pleasing people will get me no where, but giving God all the glory is one of the few heavenly gifts we here on earth are blessed to participate in. I'm nothing more than a donkey carrying the good news that the Savior has come.
     My pride may get to me and my insecurities may be fed, but I'm only human. I have one of two choices: I can sit in my misery and remind myself how sinful and undeserving I am, or I can quit insulting God and His work and praise Him for the life He has designed for me. I've spent much time in both of those areas, and let me tell you, the latter is much more liberating.

Galatians 1:10 ESV
     For am I know seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Romans 7:21-25a NLT
     I have discovered this principle of life--that when I do what is right, I inevitable do what is  wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.

The Fab Five

     I am consistently and constantly blessed by the sisters-in-Christ I'm so lucky to call my best friends.
     Logan, Selina, Samantha and Olivia have been some of my closest friends since my journey with God began and these past few months have been milestones on our journey together. The "Fab Five," is not only the name of our newest album release (kidding), but what we refer to ourselves when listing all of our names becomes too tedious to further conversation. Not only because Fabulous is one of the few words that truly encapsulate all of our personalities, but mostly because it's the first 4th grade alliteration that came to our mind when labeling the group of us became, well, necessary. Kind of like the Pink Ladies from Grease, but with much less hair spray and cigarettes.
     Our friendship started at the church, but wasn't always Christ-centered. We all had our stories and personally, I thought I would never be able to tell them my whole story, because then I'd be the weakest link, I would be less of Christian whom Christ wasted His grace on and they had no struggles. We had all been told we were flawless in God's eyes, but none of us really believed it. If we did, we'd have been willing to share that with each other. We'd be willing to share our "salads."
     I sat there one night and said to them, "I want to be able to tell Logan if I'm eating too much salad. And I want Logan to be able to call me and say, 'hey, Alyssa, you're eating too much salad, so stop because that's sinful.'" It turned out we were all craving that accountability. From that talk and because of it, I know the inward parts of those girls. I know their deepest struggles, I know their greatest redemptions and  I know there are girls in every corner of Missouri, even over the world, praying for me and fighting for me.
     With Selina in the Dominican Republic studying abroad, Samantha an RA at her school, Olivia getting in to her music and Logan building relationships back home, it should be harder to communicate with one another, and it is at times, but I've talked to these girls more in the past month this semester than all year last year. I wouldn't say our conversations are longer, but now they have a purpose driven behind them.
     Our conversations are God-focused because we are God-focused. And the accountability that we offer to each other is there because each of us genuinely have that love of Christ for each of them. I want to see them succeed.
     I've fallen on my face, I've eaten dirt from the shoes of my sins, but when I was on the ground I had four girls next to me planted firm who were pulling me up. I cannot stress how important accountability is, because I know if it weren't for these girls I wouldn't be here.
     We've had seasons in our life of planting and growing. I know if it weren't for the women in our life who walked before us, we wouldn't be where we are. If it weren't for Lauren Sterling, Amy V, Crystal Kratzer, Meagan Truax and so many other influential women in our lives who kept us accountable and poured into us, who made disciples out of us, we wouldn't be in the season of life that we are in.
     I share this with you as encouragement, to share with you this awesome season of harvest we five are in right now. And as a reminder that it didn't happen over night, we labored, we labored hard but God delivers, He keeps His promises and provides. But in this race we are running, we need to find those running partners, those coaches who desire our new creation as much as God does.

One Love.

Hebrews 3:13
     But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'Today,' so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Hebrews 12:1-2
     Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Galatians 6:9
     Do not become weary when doing good, for at a proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.

 

 

 

 

 

If Grace is an Ocean

     I feel like I talk about grace a lot, but I think that's because it's one of God's aspects I don't fully understand.
      This weekend was rough. It all unraveled last night, so let me give you the timeline of this so you can even more clearly see the promises of faith.
•6:30 went on a drive with my friend and sister in Christ and I opened up to her about what poor excuse I am of a disciple of Christ. 
•7:00 came back home to sulk in my misery, while I allowed the enemy feed me lies. 
•7:15 sat down with my computer and wrote four stanzas that came from my hurt, my purpose and my faith
•7:34 sent Olivia an email of those stanzas, a debrief of where they came from and a hope that it was useful material for her to put to music and make a song of. 
•7:36 continued to sulk in my misery, now debriefing to a roommate of my worthless existence. 
•8:00 God started moving
     My 8:00 time slot was mostly flooded with my roommate talking me into God's grace for the next hour or so. As I read to her some of my spoken word poetry and lyrics I had sent Olivia, she told me that's how God uses me, but even while I was still reluctant, I knew she was speaking some truth. 
•9:17 a friend came over to hang out.
•9:29 Olivia called me. "Hey, I have the layout the way I want it. Let me play you what I've gotten so far."
     For the next 40 minutes Olivia and I were able to talk about God's molding in our lives. How we've changed because of Him and how we can lift one another up in prayer and praise.
•10:08 came back to the living room and read some of my spoken word to our guest who had come over. I can't even tell you why I did it, but I could see in her eyes it's exactly what I was supposed to be doing. He was reminding me that He wants me, that He fought for me.
      Every single day, God drenches me with His grace and every single day I fail him. I'm a sinful, jacked up, useless excuse of a human being, but that's the thing. God uses that, He wants that. He refines us by His fire, He molds is into a new creation and because of His grace even sinful, jacked up, useless excuses like me can be used for everlasting work!
      I still don't fully understand God's grace and know that I never truly will. I just know I can't be so focused about what the devil is doing to manipulate me than what God's doing to get my attention. For we are not those who shrink back and are destroyed. God wants us as we are right now. 

Free At Last

     In honor of the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech I decided to tune in and listen to it. I've heard it before, but in every season of life everything I've once heard speaks to me in a new and different way.
     This past summer I went home, when I had friends all across the US and the world acting on God's will for their life. Some were more local working at camps in Missouri, a couple were in Florida doing a discipleship program and a few were international spreading God's word and His love. I was kind of bummed, because I wanted to be doing something cool like that for God's Kingdom, but then I realized that I was sent back to Blue Springs, Missouri to do something cool for God's Kingdom. I wasn't sent home to be lazy or take a break, so my summer was surrounded by seeking God's desire for me and His plan for my life.
     One of my favorite things about MLK is that he was first and foremost a man of God. Even Wikipedia--which is a reputable source, I don't care who says otherwise--lists MLK as an American clergyman first. His desire for freedom and justice was God's will on his heart. King wasn't doing it out of selfish ambition, but he was living out God's plan for his life. He was the mouthpiece of the Body, and what people tend to forget is that he had a mentor. He had someone pour into him, who, for the most part, remains nameless. Most people couldn't name any one of the men who mentored and discipled King.
     Not everyone's role is the main stage, like MLK's was, but we all have one. No matter where we are in our walk, God has a desire for us to do something huge and change the world. We're all just one domino and if we don't "fall" into God's will the dominoes after us won't be moved.
     The entire time I was watching MLK's speech, all I could think about was how proud God must've been to see one of His creations follow His will for him. And how, if it wasn't for MLK's obedience my domino wouldn't have been knocked over by watching the speech, thus this blog wouldn't have been written! Ah, I could go on and on about the dominoes King was apart of because of his obedience to the Father, but that's why. It's because he stepped up and stepped out of himself and allowed God to use him in whatever way God needed him. And Thank God Almighty we are all free to do the same.
    

Why should I become a Christian

     Today, I caught myself stuck in some writers block, writing a poem themed "burn the ships" and when I was on the last stanza, I realized how much it sucked. I knew that when we became Christians we were called to die to ourselves, but why? "Why should I become a Christian." Again, stuck in writer's block, I did something I'm not proud: I searched Google for the answer.
     Like all 21st century dilemmas, I went to the internet for the answer; but unfortunately, like most answers found on the internet, there is no one, clear answer. So, instead of looking outside of myself for the answer, I decided to start from scratch and focus on our place in Christianity, rather than God's purpose.
     When I became a believer, I did it for my own sake. I didn't want to burn in Hell. I didn't want to die an unsure death and have the bitter unknown take me in as its own. I wasn't fleeing from my sin, I didn't do it because I hated sin, I did it because I loved myself.
     Before I became a follower of Christ--and even now at times--a lot of my decisions were driven by how it would benefit me. I knew that if I said I believed in this God guy and didn't, like, kill anybody I'd have a ticket to Heaven. What I didn't know at that time was Heaven wasn't a buffet line of angel food cake and free puppies running around. Heaven is the meeting place with the creator of the world, a place where you're so in awe of whom you're in the presence of, you have no other option but to drop to your knees and worship Him. What I didn't know some 11 years ago when I asked Jesus into my heart, was Heaven wasn't a place we were waiting for, Heaven on earth started that day. God was ready to use me right then.
     You should see my mom when we get her some stereotypical mom stuff, like a new dishwasher or cooking pan, vacuum. She's so excited, because she finally got what she needed to complete a job.
She could wash the dishes by hand, but that dishwasher was created to steam, clean and gleam. My mother's excitement doesn't even compare to God's excitement when He's finally able to use us the way He created us. It's at that point I know longer want to do things for my own glory, but for God's.
     If the world's timeline was portrayed as a movie, most of us would just be a passing face in the background or a hand in the corner of the screen. Our time here on earth is so miniscule compared to the big book timeline of earth. A world created for God and His glory. I'm no longer asking for a leading role, I can't handle a leading role. If I were to step in front of the camera, I'd be cheating God of His glory. It's not about me.
     The answer to Christianity conversion was answered by a six step reasoning, but when it comes down to it, you can't tell someone why. You have to show them. You have to live in obedience, discipline and love in Christ. Everything else should fall into God's story as you go.

Jamaica and Wedding Bells

     This past week, I spent my time in Jamaica on a missions trip. I came in with these expectations of what I thought my week would look like, but as usual, God planned on showing me something completely different.
     To everyone who doesn't already know, I don't exactly love children. Shocking, I'm sure, but the fact of the matter is, I'm not the #1 Babysitter. I've been told time and time again that "I'll never find a man if I keep doing (insert gross habit, immature humor, indepence, etc. here)." If God made me into this person, why would He want me to change to be with someone I've been told He's handpicked for me? I've made my intentions very clear about my future; my lack on interest in children and even marriage seem to surprise most women, but like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7, you don't have to get married. In fact, singleness is a gift and those who are single are able to do so much more for God, because they have the time to do so. Don't get me wrong, I have my selfish reasons to remain single; I'd prefer a corner office, loft in the city and vacation to Europe.
     This past week, I was ready for God to show me I've been lazy or something, how to fix it and in the end, I'd be closer to Him because of it. Instead, while I built houses alongside Jamaicans, for whatever reason, God kept bringing children to mind. Every night, we had courtyard and Jamaicans were invited to come to the house and hang out with us. I met all kinds of people, but kept my focus on the adult women. The next day on the jobsite, God brought up my own nephews. I thought, God forbid, if anything were to ever happen to my brother or sister, I would be willing to help out with my nephews. Not single-handedly raise them, but I'd allow them come over to my place for an hour or so on Saturdays. I shared this with the group the next morning before we went out to our serving opportunities and I got some funny looks, I know it doesn't sound like much, but that's a step for me.
     That day on the job, there was a little girl at the house I was working at. Her name was Gabi and she was about 7-years-old. She helped me shovel cement, dig marl and smooth the walls--or at least she tried. In all honesty, she was in the way. She kept throwing the cement in the wrong piles, was mixing up sifted marl with the unsifted and dented a few of the walls. I knew right at that moment I spoke too soon, that's it, only a half hour on Mondays for the nephews. I wasn't exactly nice to her, either, but for whatever reason, she liked me. She wouldn't leave me alone, always wanting to hold my hand and hugging me. Eventually I learned how to deal with it and I just talked to her like I would talk to an adult. She wasn't so bad, she just didn't know what she was doing, and I wasn't telling her to do otherwise. Yet, still, I made it very apparent I don't want kids, and told more people than I ever had I don't ever want to get married, usually out of context, too. I was trying to avoid whatever it was God was trying to tell me.
     If you were to ask me, I'd tell you I gave the reins to God years ago. I've become content with the hand I've been dealt, but one thing God showed me this week is that I've misinterpreted some of the things He's promised me. That just because I want a corner office and peace of mind forever, just because that isn't conventional doesn't mean that's what He wants for me. I know the waiting list for those things are much shorter for young Christiain women, but that doesn't mean it's in my future, who knows, maybe it is. But as of now, I'm no longer preparing my heart for the life I had planned out, but preparing for today, because that's all that's promised to me.

To the Class of 2013

     In honor of graduation today, I decided I'd pass on the little knowledge I have to the most recent high school graduates. I was in that same spot just a year ago and as I look at where I've come from since graduation, it's by God's grace that I'm here where I stand today.
     I remember senior recognition at church last year. Scott Sterling asked us senior girls to be on a panel and talk about our years through high school and how God has shaped our lives through the past four years, preparing us for the next four. I wasn't where I needed to be with God at that time, but I figured I could get up there on stage and say some godly things without anybody realizing I was in a real crummy spot in my walk. When it came to be my turn, I was asked what verse had carried me through high school. I knew the answer immediately, it's a verse I've accidently memorized from just spending so much time with it in high school. It was from TPX weekend in 8th grade 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. Midway through the verse I, Alyssa Hicks, started crying. I never cry--like, never. But the words I was saying weren't true. I hadn't been running the race, I hadn't been beating my body. I was running like a man running aimlessly and if it was up to man, I definitely would've been disqualified for the Prize. I got in front of church that Sunday, confident in the flesh to have just enough Jesus points left in me to fake the spot I was in. That was a wakeup call.
     That summer, I made sure to make my body my slave. Nothing that I was chasing after was everlasting, and that was empty; not just unfulfilling, but empty. God had surrounded me around four great sisters-in-Christ during high school that were great at loving, learning and teaching. That summer I fled from the dirt that covered me and bathed in Christ's grace. I knew I stood for God and I didn't want that line to get blurry once I headed off to school. All summer long I prayed for a roommate that I could help, but also wouldn't hinder me, I prayed for community in college and believers who were chasing after the same things as I. I prayed that I would be able to keep the friendships I had at home and be a light to those new relationships in Springfield.
     Once August came around and I moved down to Missouri State, I had a clear plan of what I was going to do. I was going to stand for God and there was going to be no question about it. I was not going to be easy to sway or curious of what sin could be brought out in this new sense of freedom--I had already tasted the sweetest freedom--and I was going to be a disciple, an ambassador for God.
     This past year, God brought some great believers in my life. Followers of Christ that were all in different spots in their walk and a blessing in mine because of it. I was able to stand for God in the classroom, library, dining hall, on my floor. I stepped out of my comfort zone time and time again because He asked me to. I was thrown in the middle of the road by God to do some things, even though I lacked the courage to do so on my own at times.
     They say college is the place you grow up. You don't have anyone there telling you to clean your room, go to bed or go to church. You choose your path. I can give you that cheesy Abe Lincoln-esque quote about, "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything," and I will, because it's true! If you go to college wanting to be sort of a Christian, you'll leave college more lost than you came. If you fail to plan...
     College can be scary, but it's also liberating. God showed me some of my greatest gifts this past year and chiseled away parts of my heart that didn't reflect His will for my life. The only advice I have is love God, everything else will fall into place.

God lives in Springfield, too

     This year, God has showed me so many different facets of Him. He never fails to impress me with the things He has in store for me, from posting my testimony to YouTube to going to Jamaica this summer, I have seen God push me for my own good so many times. But with all the things going on back at Gateway Church, I hated searching for a church down here in Springfield, because I felt like I was missing out on all the miracles happening back home. God has done so many huge things through Gateway as a whole, as well as the individuals who make up the church. I've been blessed to see coaches take our high school football team on mission trips, friends accept new siblings or sons and daughters into their family, and prisoners accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. And Joey, being the shepherd he is, brought more strength to our church this past year than was ever expected of him. Part of the reason it's been so hard to find a church is because of the high expectations I had. Gateway does things so Christ-centered that I had little faith any other church would even come close to it.
     All year, my friends and I have been church hopping. It's been quite a stressful and tiring job, but through it, I have been able to see the girls that have walked with me through this journey grow alongside me. Maybe I wasn't at Gateway, but I have a community of people who genuinely care for everlasting life and are chasing after the same things as me. God has allowed me to step out on my own and open my mind to the family in Christ I have outside of Blue Springs. I haven't completely gotten over missing out on all the great things going on at Gateway, but I think I've finally found a church down here in Springfield. It wouldn't have been able to be done if it wasn't for the examples I was given back home.
     As the year comes to a close, I find myself not wanting to come home. I've made so many friends down here and home means work, and I don't want to do that either. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me next year that He's already started. I serve a God who is bigger than Blue Springs, Missouri; who is bigger than Springfield, Missouri. I serve a God who calls people out of darkness and comforts those in need, who brings justice and saves. I serve the God who is.
    

Big Blind

Last weekend, I learned how to play poker. I want to apologize ahead of time to all ladies, for I exemplified every reason women should not be allowed to play poker. I talked, asked too many questions, I was nosey. But why should I just throw away my cards? What's everyone else's hand? How can he just win that without showing us his cards, what if mine were higher or whatever? For lent I gave up participating in gossip, I didn't think it was that big of a problem but I am a girl so I knew there was always room for improvement. In the beginning, I had a hard time defining what was actually gossip and what was just conversation. I lived by Colossians 3:17 and  2 Timothy 2:16. I tried to justify my story telling and listening or caught myself stopping in mid-sentence, realizing this wasn't honoring to God. It sucked, but I found myself talking to God more and I guess that's the whole point of fasting from things, so it served its purpose. In Texas HoldEm you're given two cards, from the beginning you bet whether your cards are better than your competitors, once everyone has bet you turn over 3 cards the first round, and then one and one more the next rounds trying to make the most out of the two cards in your hand and 3 other cards on the table. The problem is, you don't know anyone else's hand. You only know the hand you were dealt. As each round went, my curiosity grew and I wondered what cards they were dealt. Sometimes they tell you, out of bribery or carelessness, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just don't tell you and you'll never know what was going on on the other end. God asked me to do something earlier this year that was totally out of my comfort zone and, like gossiping, I tried to justify my not doing it. I tweaked his question and talked myself out of it a million and two times, I talked to all of my closest friends about it and all of them agreed that God's reasoning for me to do it was greater than any make believe reason I could think of not to do it. I've mentioned before the guy from tpx camp who goes to MSU as well, God wanted me to tell him that he impacted my walk 4 years ago and how. After months of chickening out, today I did it. I had so many fears of what might be his response but I reminded myself that God does not give us a spirit of timidity. Most of the time he looked at me like I was crazy but I knew if it seems I'm crazy it is to bring glory to God. At the end of our conversation all I wanted to do is ask to see his hand. What cards were he dealt? Why is God asking me to go all in? I don't know, may not ever know. I'm just one domino that allowed God create whatever chain reaction is in store. I did what He wanted me to do and even though it may drive me crazy not knowing His will and having blind faith, it's a bet I'm willing to take any day. 

What Would Jesus Do

Today, at church, in honor of Palm Sunday, we talked about Jesus.
As you may know, Jesus is the man who came to earth and saved the world of its sin, because God so loved the world and because Jesus, who came into the world yet was not of the world...and the rest. This year, God's shown me Jesus' death in a different light; I know that Jesus died for my sins and I know because of His great love with which He loved us I have been given grace and hope and the Holy Spirit, but that's not all.
This year,God's shown me how much more childlike my faith has to be. Unlike most college students who are trying to gain independence, I need to be even more dependent on God. And that that first starts with obedience.
When I think of Jesus, I think of this man in a big, white robe with a glowing aura, who never joked and was never clumsy, who never had a bad hair day or who ever farted, but odds are Jesus did all of the above. The guy is the light of the world; He was the man of the hour, He lit up a room with His contagious personality. Jesus was human, or God in the flesh, so He had something on me, but still--He was human, just like me.
And like me, Jesus was dependent on God, He was obedient to His will. Jesus fed 5,000; He turned water in to wine, He walked on water, but Jesus was able to do all of this because of His faith in God. I'm sure Jesus wasn't ecstatic knowing that He was going to be beaten, embarrassed, ridiculed, and killed for the sake of all of our behalf, but He did it because God asked Him to. Jesus died, not only for us, but for God. God asked Him to, He was obedient. In the same way, God asks for our obedience.
I think it's harder for me to grasp the resurrection because I know the end of the story, I know Jesus beats death and I'm the fruit of that, but to live that faith now is so much harder because as humans, we wants to know what we're expecting.
I know I never lived to see Jesus feed the 5,000 or watch Him walk on water, but I was there to see Joey Butler remain faithful to God and our church after he was told about his cancer and life expectancy, I was there to witness to the Sterling's obedience to God when He asked them to adopt five kids from Peru, and I got to see those 5 fruits that came from that obedience. I never got to taste that water that was turned into wine but I was able to watch my dad, Doug Benjamin and Joe Maloney submit to God's calling on their lives and start a bible study within a prison. But if it wasn't for their willingness to put all of their faith into God, nothing would've happened. Lives wouldn't have been changed, lives wouldn't have been saved. We all must take up our own cross.
Even in His humaness, Jesus was faithful and obedient to God's will, so who am I to flee from the goodness of God that is completing His will?

Is there Chipotle in Heaven?

Last week, I did something rather embarrassing--even for me.
It was Wednesday, which is known to be a very busy day for me. I have three classes back to back and then an hour break before my fourth and final class of the day. I had woken up late (10:30 AM) and didn't get a chance to get breakfast before my class that started in 15 minutes, a dangerous combination on these days already because of how scarce my time is to eat, but I battled through and didn't even notice my hunger until my second class around noon. I was on Twitter reading through my timeline and someone mentioned Chipotle.
"Oh that sounds good," said Alyssa's conscious. Nothing new, Alyssa's conscious always thought Chipotle sounded good. Then someone else mentioned Chipotle.
"Wow, when was the last time I've had Chipotle," Alyssa's stomach growled. I knew I didn't have time to get Chipotle on a Wednesday anyways; plus, in my rush to get ready, I forgot to put my contacts in. Even if I wanted Chipotle I wouldn't be able to get it because I'd be driving six blocks visually impaired.
Six blocks. The more I thought about it, the more my stomach growled. I had my wallet in my backpack, that never happened: sign. Google Maps said it would only take 22 minutes to get there, times two, I still had 16 minutes to eat it stationary: sign. As my second class got out and I was headed to my third class before my hour break, I contemplated how badly I truly wanted Chipotle. Nope. No question, at the end of this class in Strong I would walk all the way across campus to get to National--the equivalent to 7 highway to y'all Blue Springs folks--and get Chipotle, luckily my friend agreed to go with me. Class got out and I ran.
I looked like a running back going through the middle heading towards the end zone as I ran through students on campus. Spin to the left, a juke to the right. I ran my way through campus until I made it to National, six more blocks to go.
It was then when I realized my visuals were still necessary. The entire trek to Chipotle was blessed with beautiful weather and I had the green light at each intersection. My contacts didn't matter the closer I got, because Chipotle got clearer by each stride. I finally got to Chipotle and ordered what I wanted and started my journey back. I made it there in 18 minutes, Google Maps.
It was back in my dorm when I found just enough extra time to play one song on Guitar Hero that I turned to my friend and said, "You know, that Chipotle was good, but not nearly as satisfying as God."
I'm at a point in my life right now that even Chipotle can't satisfy. God provides and He is worth more than anything this world has to offer me.
I've done some pretty insane things to get a Chipotle burrito, but how often did I run up busy streets towards things God desires for my life? There's been so many times God leaves my wallet in my backpack, gives me all the green lights and beautiful weather to run towards something he's prepared for me. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm running towards, but the closer I get the clearer it becomes. Is my desire for what the Lord wants for me stronger than my own desires? Is it even close to as fulfilling? Let me run with arms sprawling towards the desires of God. Towards the desires that have become my own.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Doppelgänger

So in my crippled state, my friend and I have found a new obsession with celebrity doppelgängers. This requires much less physical effort than long boarding or tennis but it is just as addictive. I found out that I go to school with a Jennifer Lawrence, Selina Gomez, a Josh Harnett and Arnold from The Magic School Bus. When you tell people they look like someone famous it's nothing shy of a compliment that's usually followed by rosy cheeks and a suppressed smile that tries to decline any physical resemblance to such a person. 

Growing up I was always told I look just like my older brother, which is not what a little sister wants to hear-especially a young lady-ever. But in my later age I started taking it as a compliment. My brother is one of my biggest heroes and someone closest to me who I spend a lot of time with. Because of this, we act alike, sound alike, have similar-polite-etiquette and do share a lot of devilish good looks. 

My sister-in-law swears I look like Bristol Palin, my aunt says Jennifer Love Hewitt, but who I most want to be mistaken as is Jesus. I mean, right? In my action and my speech I want people to confuse me for Jesus. How I love, show respect and gentleness, I want to look like Jesus. How I serve I want to be mistaken as Jesus, how I control myself and how I show patiences. If I'm spending enough time with God, my action, my speech, my etiquette, all of that should resemble Christ Jesus. Now, in the cheesy closing of this entry I give you these passages to chew on; I mean, you are what you eat. . .

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,  but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself  and became obedient to death–  even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,  that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,  and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."(Philippians 2:4-11 NIV84)

We know that  our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. (Romans 6:6 ESV)

Do not be conformed to this world,  but be transformed by  the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may  discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)

If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.  Either way, Christ’s love controls us.  Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.    He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:13-17 NLT)

Speed Wobbles

This past Monday my friend and I took advantage of the beautiful weather and played some tennis in between classes. We had an hour to play because of our schedules, but realized we both only had one class on Tuesdays. Tuesday was just as beautiful as Monday, if not better. We brought our tennis rackets, our hackey sacks and our long boards and mapped out our day of fun, scheduling it perfectly to fit in all of our favorite hobbies equally. First was tennis and then long boarding followed by some hackey sack.
It should be stated that each of us get minorly obsessed with different activities and train ourselves to be the best until the next outdoor obsession comes along. Long boarding has been in the training stage for awhile now. On a trail in a park we were going down a hill when I hit speed wobbles and my long board started shaking back and forth because of how fast I was going. I knew I had to bail because of the sharp turn at the end of the hill but I didn't know how to go for it. I ended up just jumping straight off and planned I would just run it off but I was going to fast to keep up with the speed and ended up sliding in to the pavement like a baseball player would slide into home. I stood up to find my skin on the ground and blood running down my leg, ankles, palms and elbow. I walked it off and sent myself home to study for the bio test that was Wednesday.
After my bio test I had one more class, which I planned on skipping but decided not to. I should've skipped that class because I ended up passing out in the middle of it because I was in so much pain from my leg. My teacher made me go to the doctor on campus and there she told me I had bad road rash on my left leg and had pulled a ligament in my right hip. She prescribed me pain medication that would play a crucial role in my healing process.
Whenever I take my pain medication it doesn't take much after that to get me talking. I will talk about anything and even though I knew I was saying it all I couldn't really control how the words actually came out. I turned out to be more blunt than I usually was and more brave to say and do what I wanted because I was crippled and could just blame it on my limp leg or the medication.
But being stuck in a bed all week when you're not on those pain pills really gets you thinking, like shower thinking. "What will my husband look like?" "Will I age well?" "Do people in China Gangnam Style?" "Is this thing gonna scar?" "Why can't this just play out like I want it to? If not this, what does God want from me?"
There is a guy I see on my way to the class I fainted in that whom I only know by first name from years ago. He was in my small group at a TPX camp one year and he said something small but profound that has stuck with me ever since. His comment shaped my life and I told myself then, and multiple more times when I was in high school that if I ever got the opportunity, I would thank him for his encouragment. I haven't yet.
If God doesn't want me to date the boy in my English class or long board around campus, then what does He want from me? He wants me to tell the guy I see every Monday, Wednesday and Friday thank you for showing me one of my spiritual gifts. He wants me to allow the Holy Spirit be responsible for my word vomit rather than my pain pills (which aren't addictive so you guys don't have to worry about me, by the way). He wants me to stop pursuing the things He's put in my life and start pursuing Him. To allow Him to take the reigns and show me the next thing He has prepared for me.

Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, "This is the way you should go," whether it is to the right or to the left. (Isaiah 30:21 NLT)

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls. (Hebrews 10:39)