It's hard to be a Christian and not allow your human side get in the way, but it's even harder to but a human and not allow your Christian side get in the way.
My dad came home today and told me his best friend's brother, who has been sick for some time now, celebrated his birthday and death today. My dad proceeded to tell me of all the unglamorous things this man had done in his life; from breaking into people's houses, stealing from family, and so-on. But on his death bed he was saved. How gracious it is of our God to offer salvation to the less deserving: everybody. I used to think it was unfair that some people could live their life wrong but come in at the last second and ask for forgiveness and just get it–that easy. At TPX I work with a group of middle school students whom we ask the "hard questions" of. "Why do you follow Christ", "What have you done to better yourself or someone else", "When was the last time you did something selflessly". Most of the time when these questions are asked I sit with five pairs of eyes on me until I say something else. So I keep talking (it's a bad habit). Last night this reoccurred; I wasn't as polite as I usually am and this time when I kept talking it wasn't about the subject.
If we, as Christians, can't recall the last time we heard from God that's a problem. Not with God but with ourselves. If you can't tell me why you follow Christ then you're just as dead in your transgressions as the rest of the world. If you're still in the middle school mindset of not knowing why you have the faith you do then the thief will come for you like a roaring lion waiting for something to devour. If you're weak minded in your faith you'll be just another of the many high school students that don't attend TPX anymore, for worldly reasons. You must ALWAYS be prepared to give anyone who asks you the reason for the hope that you have.
I think we get confused on when eternity starts. Most of us live through our lives in hope of making it to the next level: Heaven. But what we forget is that eternal happiness doesn't start at Heaven's gates, it starts the second you accept Christ into your heart. The man who was saved today after living an unholy life, even though he has the blessing of eternity in Heaven, we, as believers now, are already living in our eternity. The only thing unfair of somebody being saved on their death bed is not that they get to reap the benefits of what Christians have built up their whole life for, it's that they don't get to reap the benefits here on earth! As Christians our eternity starts now, our call to be holy and praise God in all our actions began yesterday. What is God calling you to do that you're actually doing?
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
You give and take away.
I think it's easy to think of God as a glorious man in the clouds who is forgiving, merciful and full of grace; but we tend to forget that that same man is righteous, asking, and above all: a choice. No one said you must follow Christ. It's an option, a suggestion even. If you want a fulfilling life with a great eternity than be as Christ was and in the process you will be overflowing with joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, love, self-control, and–I'm sure there's one I'm missing–things will go the best way possible, maybe not in your eyes, but they're all apart of a greater plan anyways.
God is viewed too much as a fairy god-mother: if you're really real than tomorrow I'll ace my algebra test. Then we're upset when we don't get what we want. God isn't going to hand you good grades, the perfect companion, or you dream job without you giving your all to Him, too.
I'm young, being 17 is probably one of the biggest things that holds me back from living up to God's standard. I know it sounds lame but there's just so much more intriguing things for me to do, so many more things cloud my thoughts. But then I look at my peers; I'm no one to judge but the ones who claim to be as Christ is aren't always acting as such; some more visible than others but it's all the same. I know God is a merciful god but he is also righteous, you can't keep messing up and expect Him to be cool with it.
Like any team or sport you have to try out to be officially on the team, if you're not good enough for basketball, what happens? You get cut. If you suck at dodgeball you're going to be the last one picked. Now, luckily God has already chosen us, and as his starters we must endure, for if we don't there's a million other bench warmers that are ready to take center stage that much more willing to step up and fulfill God's will. 1 Corinthians 9:27 says, "therefore I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached I will not be disqualified for the prize." If we lose sight of what we're going after we can get cut! Very few and far between but God has done it before, and He can do it again. Nothing on earth is worth losing that. Even through those rough spots or dumb decision making moments, move on and come back from that injury, for it you sit out too long you might forget how to play.
I apologize for my scattered mind.
God is viewed too much as a fairy god-mother: if you're really real than tomorrow I'll ace my algebra test. Then we're upset when we don't get what we want. God isn't going to hand you good grades, the perfect companion, or you dream job without you giving your all to Him, too.
I'm young, being 17 is probably one of the biggest things that holds me back from living up to God's standard. I know it sounds lame but there's just so much more intriguing things for me to do, so many more things cloud my thoughts. But then I look at my peers; I'm no one to judge but the ones who claim to be as Christ is aren't always acting as such; some more visible than others but it's all the same. I know God is a merciful god but he is also righteous, you can't keep messing up and expect Him to be cool with it.
Like any team or sport you have to try out to be officially on the team, if you're not good enough for basketball, what happens? You get cut. If you suck at dodgeball you're going to be the last one picked. Now, luckily God has already chosen us, and as his starters we must endure, for if we don't there's a million other bench warmers that are ready to take center stage that much more willing to step up and fulfill God's will. 1 Corinthians 9:27 says, "therefore I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached I will not be disqualified for the prize." If we lose sight of what we're going after we can get cut! Very few and far between but God has done it before, and He can do it again. Nothing on earth is worth losing that. Even through those rough spots or dumb decision making moments, move on and come back from that injury, for it you sit out too long you might forget how to play.
I apologize for my scattered mind.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
English Paper
We had to write a life philosophy in my English class and this is the regurgitation of the assignment :)
The smell of the sterile room was starting to get to me; with every inhale I anticipated my next exhale. A film began to cover my pupils as I slouched in the plastic-covered chair starring at the fragile life that had machines breathing for her. Noises around me were muffled as my mind struggled to comprehend what to expect. For the fourth time in a year’s span I found myself sitting in a hospital room where I had spent my last three holidays and birthday. The tasteless food and four cable channels became a norm to my family for as long as I could remember, but this year was different. My grandmother was always sick but she’d bounce soon enough; yet the lifeless body that lay in front of me now wasn’t the same woman that served me applesauce in a wine glass before Sunday night football. I drowned in the memories of my childhood when I suddenly realized: sometimes, things change, and they are never the same again.
Change is a fear stricken concept for most, if not all, people and I am not the exception. I stand firm to the saying, “if it’s not broke don’t fix it”, yet I find my life going through more changes than most celebrities go through spouses. I think of things in a very realistic, present-term way; and most of my feelings towards life all trace back to change. My grandmother was one of the only people I could ever depend on; she was the epitome of everything wholesome and now that she was gone I didn’t see a point in looking for any good in the world, knowing it would be a lost cause anyways.
To the spectators I may seem like a pessimistic, cynical, brutally honest person; but frankly, I just don’t get excitement in living in your dreams. I’m a person of action, I’m far from lovable, and I know fairytale endings are left on the silver screen after the credits role. After my grandmother passed I quit trusting people and did my best not to get too close to anyone. I knew that–even if it wasn’t intentional–they wouldn’t be there for me forever. Once the school year came to a close and June rolled around I had to get away from these artificial smiles. My grandmother always said, “If you’re bored: go help someone.” So I took her advice and spent a week in Purdy, Missouri.
I went to a camp called Barnabas that is designed for children with disabilities to ensure they have a full summer-camp experience granted their situations. There I met Olga, an adopted Russian about my age whose motorized wheelchair she controlled with her only two fingers. Olga’s biological parent’s survived the Chernobyl disaster but as a result everything in them and on them was poisoned with radiation, thus was Olga. They gave her up for adoption and Olga spent her first years of life hungry and neglected in a metal crib. On the bottom bunk in her cabin she told me these stories through her teeth as she made bracelets for every camper, counselor, and cook there; with the embroidery string looped around her only big toe she held the loose string with her two fingers and pulled the knots tight with her teeth. Olga’s hard past carried her into a brighter day. She never forgot where she came from and counts her disabilities as a blessing because she’s able to share her light to other sorrowful souls. There I modified my view of happiness and was shown how important simplicity really is.
Olga reminded me there still is some good in the world. This day, 3 years later, I can still look down at the colored strings tied around my left wrist and be reminded of the 14-year-old smile that dragged me out of myself and instilled all those morals my grandmother talked about. That pessimistic, cynical, brutally honest person is still apart of me but now she’s not hopeless. Unlike the majority I no longer have to live in my dreams, but I know I have the power to live them out. Change chases after us and attacks without warning but we have the choice to run with it or let the it smack us in the face like a frigid wind on our already cold cheeks. We have the choice to sit in that numbness or become a child to our new situations and absorb all of its experiences. I am strong, I am wise, I am realistic. I think I’ve lost just enough hope to grow up and kept just enough of my innocence to remain a child for as long as I choose.
Friday, September 16, 2011
I can't speak for the crowd, but as for me....
Being a high school student, I'm continually reminded of the ignorant, shallow-minds of the majority of my peers. It's as if no one knows how to think for themselves; with all religion aside I think it's important to have a stance for something, ANYTHING. But that being said: there will always be a critic out there anticipating to jump on ones back at the first sign of a chance. I hate being categorized. There is so much more to me than what meets the eye–both good and bad–and so many people aren't willing to give it a second chance because of whom they've made up in their mind to be who I am. But when it comes down to it, you are what you do. If you're in band you're socially awkward, if you play football you cheat on every test, if you wrestle you must smoke, or if you dance you must be easy–and the list goes on. Stereotypes, even if they are true, have broken man's ability to make up their own mind thus becoming subconsciously judgmental of everyone. I try my best not to fall into this trend but as a human I find myself thinking less of people who don't have the same beliefs, morals, or insight that I do. And even more so to those who DO claim to have the same beliefs, morals, and insights that I do!
No one is perfect, I have overlearned this concept eight too many times, but if you are going to claim to be something–than be it! If you claim to be an starting running back, score some touchdowns; if you speak of being extremely intelligent, let your grades speak for you, if you say you're a druggie, get high. In the same way, if you tell people you're a Christian be a Christ Follower and show them the truth. 1 Peter 3:15 says, "Always be ready to give anyone who asks you for the reason for the hope that you have, but do this gentleness and respect." I can't speak for every "Christian" when I say this but I will remain prepared and I will continue to be set apart and open minded, ready to take on my next trial.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
facing the inevitable
Senior year is in a matter of days and these long, hot summer hours have given me plenty of time to resonate on who I am, the good and the bad, and I've realized there are some parts of me I could do without and other things I want to be filled with. Some things need to change, I just don't know if I'm ready for it.
Change is inevitable. I've learned that, but what I've recently realized is that most of the change we face isn't around us, yet in us. We're the ones that change, and yeah, I guess those around us, but that's not the change we get frustrated with.
The biggest yield to change is fear. Fear of what will happen, what others will think, who won't be for it, but mostly what others will say, to your face or behind your back, they'll talk.
Especially being a girl I'm constantly worried about what others are going to say about me. I know "the only opinion I should worry about is God's..." and His is important to me, too but it's so much easier to care about someone right infront of you.
But I have a big year ahead, a lot of influence and a lot of things planned. I may be standing alone at the end of these nine months, I may be the only one who had gone astray, or we may all pull through and do great things in God's name. I don't want to be the wasted generation, the time is near and I can't waste what's left. So if you're reading this feel free to keep me accountable, feel free to ask what God's up to, and kick me in the butt when I need it. Because I'm no longer craving man's approval-I don't have that kind of time-the only approval I'm worried about is what God wants from me. So I come in to this year with arms wide open and ears eager to hear. Show me where I need to be.
Change is inevitable. I've learned that, but what I've recently realized is that most of the change we face isn't around us, yet in us. We're the ones that change, and yeah, I guess those around us, but that's not the change we get frustrated with.
The biggest yield to change is fear. Fear of what will happen, what others will think, who won't be for it, but mostly what others will say, to your face or behind your back, they'll talk.
Especially being a girl I'm constantly worried about what others are going to say about me. I know "the only opinion I should worry about is God's..." and His is important to me, too but it's so much easier to care about someone right infront of you.
But I have a big year ahead, a lot of influence and a lot of things planned. I may be standing alone at the end of these nine months, I may be the only one who had gone astray, or we may all pull through and do great things in God's name. I don't want to be the wasted generation, the time is near and I can't waste what's left. So if you're reading this feel free to keep me accountable, feel free to ask what God's up to, and kick me in the butt when I need it. Because I'm no longer craving man's approval-I don't have that kind of time-the only approval I'm worried about is what God wants from me. So I come in to this year with arms wide open and ears eager to hear. Show me where I need to be.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
I've been back from camp for about 48 hours and I've already fallen short of God's glory numerous times. The thing that spoke the loudest to me while at Table Rock was when Meagan said athletes go to camp to gain strength and endurance for the competition in front of them for the rest of the season. The same reason we go to church camp, to gain strength and endurance for the rest of the race we have to run. I learned a lot, but I also came back with, possibly, more questions than answers about my walk. I understand why I went to camp, but I don't understand where I go now that I'm back. I want to start doing big things this year, and I can't tell you honestly what's holding me back from doing any of those things. I still have to strive harder.
Athletes gain their strength throughout the season, they work hard during camps but the real work comes out on game day. Every day is another battle fought for our life as a Christ follower. I don't want to fall behind, because if we claim to be a Christian the enemy is going to be trying that much harder to make us fall. Camp was a wonderful experience but that practice comes into play now that we're back. "So I do not run like a man running aimlessly, I do not fight like a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached I, myself, will not be disqualified for the prize."
Athletes gain their strength throughout the season, they work hard during camps but the real work comes out on game day. Every day is another battle fought for our life as a Christ follower. I don't want to fall behind, because if we claim to be a Christian the enemy is going to be trying that much harder to make us fall. Camp was a wonderful experience but that practice comes into play now that we're back. "So I do not run like a man running aimlessly, I do not fight like a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached I, myself, will not be disqualified for the prize."
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Galations 6:9
Lately I've been finding myself extremely impatient with God's timing. I keep trying to rush into things that I think I'm ready for, or move forward and search for something that I wouldn't be able to handle. Being a 17-year-old girl brings on its mundane troubles but nothing too earth shattering. I just want things God knows I'm not ready for, and most of the reason is because I don't have my priorities straight, I'm not putting God first and now realizing this reminds me of what my priorities need to be.
God should be first in every situation no matter what the circumstances-they're not kidding when they tell you that works, it really does. Being human means I want a lot of things, a lot of which I'm not spiritually nor mentally ready for. And I respect that and know that I need to continue putting God first He will tell me when I'm ready for His blessings. So I will continue to pray and I will remain faithful and I will not grow weary because I know He has me. I may not know what's next, but He does. And for now, that's good enough for me.
God should be first in every situation no matter what the circumstances-they're not kidding when they tell you that works, it really does. Being human means I want a lot of things, a lot of which I'm not spiritually nor mentally ready for. And I respect that and know that I need to continue putting God first He will tell me when I'm ready for His blessings. So I will continue to pray and I will remain faithful and I will not grow weary because I know He has me. I may not know what's next, but He does. And for now, that's good enough for me.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
too much life going on
First off, I just want to apologize for my summer mode. I did not forget about this thing! But I’ve had a lot on my mind. TPX is doing SNL for the summer fellowship and I’ve been able to hang out with the high school girls a lot more lately before my final year of high school starts. It’s good to hear from everyone and what they have to say about our last year and what they want their plans to be. I miss hearing from everyone and actually caring…anyways, I’ve been picking at people lately, trying to get their perspective on certain things involving God, church, people, and themselves and I’ve learned that there’s a lot more I have to pick up and help out. Most kids in high school are searching for something confident to follow but most high schoolers do a horrible job on demonstrating the power of their God because they let others tell them who they are. And everyone in TPX is, or has been, in that situation before, so why don’t we all discuss it? No one wants to man up and admit they’re scared or need help! Well, I need help; I need perspective. I would love for someone to keep me in check, so I’ll continue to strive for high school perspective and let you know how others view life and change.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
48 hours
In 11 hours I'll be at the Thurn's house packing for my 10 day journey.
In 52 hours I'll be at KCI for my very first plane ride.
In the 12 hours following I'll be up in the air... (barf).
And in the 10 days following I'll be in Peru.
All of the above will be firsts for me, not to mention the other firsts I'll be sure to encounter. There's going to be a lot of change in my life in the next two weeks, and to be completely honest, I'm not ready for most of them. I keep thinking of all the other things I need to be taking care of, but if I truly needed to take care of them God wouldn't have planned this trip. My mind's skewed and I don't know what I'm really supposed to be doing. I'm going to be missing our here, but wouldn't the likewise happen I didn't go to Peru? Ahh decisions, right? Coming from someone who's understatemently indecisive I hope all goes well.
In 52 hours I'll be at KCI for my very first plane ride.
In the 12 hours following I'll be up in the air... (barf).
And in the 10 days following I'll be in Peru.
All of the above will be firsts for me, not to mention the other firsts I'll be sure to encounter. There's going to be a lot of change in my life in the next two weeks, and to be completely honest, I'm not ready for most of them. I keep thinking of all the other things I need to be taking care of, but if I truly needed to take care of them God wouldn't have planned this trip. My mind's skewed and I don't know what I'm really supposed to be doing. I'm going to be missing our here, but wouldn't the likewise happen I didn't go to Peru? Ahh decisions, right? Coming from someone who's understatemently indecisive I hope all goes well.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
May 21, 2011
So as some of you may have heard, the world was supposed to end yesterday. If God's calling me to go, hypothetically I'd drop everything; who wouldn't, right? Well obviously the world didn't end...but it got me thinking, if May 21st were to have been my last day, I wasn't really ready. I have so much planned in my near future and so much to look forward to I just couldn't go yet.
What's wrong with that? From all that I've been told and all that I've heard Heaven's a pretty cool place-better than earth, that's for sure. So what prior engagements could I possibly have planned that could top eternity with Christ? I'm 17-years-old, my near future mostly surrounds around my next meal or Friday night. How am I preparing myself for eternity with Christ, what am I doing now to make this world a better place than before, who the heck am I?! And why haven't I asked God any of these questions... It seems like everytime I get so far I find myself back at the starting line.
What's wrong with that? From all that I've been told and all that I've heard Heaven's a pretty cool place-better than earth, that's for sure. So what prior engagements could I possibly have planned that could top eternity with Christ? I'm 17-years-old, my near future mostly surrounds around my next meal or Friday night. How am I preparing myself for eternity with Christ, what am I doing now to make this world a better place than before, who the heck am I?! And why haven't I asked God any of these questions... It seems like everytime I get so far I find myself back at the starting line.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
embrace the martian
Today in class one of my teachers read an article about one man's opinion on God. Like most people's nowadays his point-of-view was that God falsely ruled the universe. He said that he believed in enough things like family, love, good-nature, people, jell-o, yes, jell-o; that he didn't see the need to start believing in something that wasn't there. After she read the article she asked us our opinions on what the man had to say. Two students stated their 3 word answers: "he is awesome," "what an idiot". Although neither of these students had a strong relationship with God, one more obvious than the other, the rest of us 23 students were the silent majority that didn't want to put our religious business out there. Of those 23, I was one of them, and so were 3 other girls who go to my church.
I knew personally how I felt about our Creator but afterwards I realized I had missed an opportunity to let others know about the God I serve. I don't know; high school is all about standing out to fit in. Everyone is picking up the latest fashion trend, or the exact opposite one to remain avant-garde to the rest of us. A huge fashion trend is to be atheist. Some believe it, but how can you really tell? Once you say you're this or that you're immediately disconnected to all the other things that can't mix with you.
A friend of mine who is atheist was talking about how he hates how other atheists judge him because he hangs out with believers and those believers whose friends do the same thing. It sucks, this vicious circle we're all forced to be in just because society tells us to.
I believe in God for many reasons, I'm not one with needs to conform and Christians are so branded with what they have to be all I can ask for is to step out of the norm and live on with the people God's put infront of me, for however long that may be. I'll have to fit in because Christ's light will make me stand out.
People always complain about how their differences or ways of life cause them to be treated different. I ask you, TREAT ME DIFFERENT. Don't compare me to others, I'm not normal-not even counting that I'm a Christ Follower- I'm awkward!
All I hear about now is to embrace your differences and although those words usually pertain to something totally different, I'm going to do the same for me. So embrace your differences and be who GOD made you to be, not society.
I knew personally how I felt about our Creator but afterwards I realized I had missed an opportunity to let others know about the God I serve. I don't know; high school is all about standing out to fit in. Everyone is picking up the latest fashion trend, or the exact opposite one to remain avant-garde to the rest of us. A huge fashion trend is to be atheist. Some believe it, but how can you really tell? Once you say you're this or that you're immediately disconnected to all the other things that can't mix with you.
A friend of mine who is atheist was talking about how he hates how other atheists judge him because he hangs out with believers and those believers whose friends do the same thing. It sucks, this vicious circle we're all forced to be in just because society tells us to.
I believe in God for many reasons, I'm not one with needs to conform and Christians are so branded with what they have to be all I can ask for is to step out of the norm and live on with the people God's put infront of me, for however long that may be. I'll have to fit in because Christ's light will make me stand out.
People always complain about how their differences or ways of life cause them to be treated different. I ask you, TREAT ME DIFFERENT. Don't compare me to others, I'm not normal-not even counting that I'm a Christ Follower- I'm awkward!
All I hear about now is to embrace your differences and although those words usually pertain to something totally different, I'm going to do the same for me. So embrace your differences and be who GOD made you to be, not society.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
GOD IS ALIVE!
Ahh, Happy Easter :)
I love Easter; one of the times I'm able to see all of my family (which seems like every year there's more and more), homemade cooking and assurance of salvation. Man, today is hard to wrap my head around. At church, Joey always gives us the illustration that if you think you're big, go to the cemetery and raise someone from the dead. You can't. But God did! That's insane! I don't think we allow ourselves to dwell on the fact that Jesus Christ took on human form, He did not count equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking on the very form of a servant, being obedient to death, even death on a cross. I think we lose sight of the criteria it takes to be Christ. Sin-less, yet bearing all of our sin so that we might be the same. How reassuring, how holy. The Philippians passage I alluded to above goes on to say (2:8-11) Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above ever name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth AND under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is LORD, to the glory of God the Father.
Christ is risen! I cannot even fathom what it must have been like to be one of the Mary's to go to the tomb and for the corpse of Jesus to be gone. What?!
Last week at the silent retreat I prepared myself for Easter and read the end of each of the gospels about the crucifixion and resurrection. Mark 15:38 says "and the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom." Meaning-because of Christ's great love-there is no middle man. I don't need any lifeline to connect me to God or pass the word to Him of whatever I need to tell Him. He is mine and I am His.
My faith is based on this. I am to be the servant of Jesus Christ because of His great love which saved me. So count your blessings today and remember- to God be the glory.
I love Easter; one of the times I'm able to see all of my family (which seems like every year there's more and more), homemade cooking and assurance of salvation. Man, today is hard to wrap my head around. At church, Joey always gives us the illustration that if you think you're big, go to the cemetery and raise someone from the dead. You can't. But God did! That's insane! I don't think we allow ourselves to dwell on the fact that Jesus Christ took on human form, He did not count equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking on the very form of a servant, being obedient to death, even death on a cross. I think we lose sight of the criteria it takes to be Christ. Sin-less, yet bearing all of our sin so that we might be the same. How reassuring, how holy. The Philippians passage I alluded to above goes on to say (2:8-11) Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above ever name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth AND under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is LORD, to the glory of God the Father.
Christ is risen! I cannot even fathom what it must have been like to be one of the Mary's to go to the tomb and for the corpse of Jesus to be gone. What?!
Last week at the silent retreat I prepared myself for Easter and read the end of each of the gospels about the crucifixion and resurrection. Mark 15:38 says "and the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom." Meaning-because of Christ's great love-there is no middle man. I don't need any lifeline to connect me to God or pass the word to Him of whatever I need to tell Him. He is mine and I am His.
My faith is based on this. I am to be the servant of Jesus Christ because of His great love which saved me. So count your blessings today and remember- to God be the glory.
Monday, April 18, 2011
just a different view
This weekend I went on a silent retreat with flight training (my bible study). Seven and a half hours of silence talking to absolutely no one. Yes, it actually was as hard as you think. But I learned a lot. The time that I usually cloud with my own thoughts were consumed with what God wanted to tell me. But only when I was consciences in what He had to say.
The following is an excerpt from my journal while my time of solitude. Heads up: for those of you who don't know me very well, I'm sort of a cynical person... So bare with me if this may seem a little harsh. Just what I was shown over my solitude with Christ.
I'm seventeen-years-old and I already have the songs picked out that will play at my funeral. I don't know what color my prom dress is but I know A Thousand Miles will be on the soundtrack to tears on that day. I'm more focused on this world after my life than my life after this world. Where are my priorities? Am I really that important that once I die people are going to be concerned with me or think so highly of me that I need to plan out their sorrows for me? Of course, things are going to be different when I'm gone; that goes for everyone. But the only thing I need to worry about is: where will I be when I'm gone? I hear this every Sunday and at every Christ-shattering experience: "If you love God and you want Him to be in your life just say a prayer and tell Him, 'Jesus, I love you and I want you to be my savior,'" Give or take a few words and you just bought yourself salvation. That's great, don't get me wrong-not one day passes where I regret opening up that pocketing bible at Awanas and accepting Jesus as my Savior but no one ever told me when I opened my eyes and left that room the devil was going to be on my butt til the day I turn in my second life, whether that be at Heaven's gates or next winter. No one tells you that once the puppies and ice cream is all gone God's going to ask you to do away with some of you old ways. No one let's you know that it's not always going to be cool to walk with Christ. No one remembers that, that shoulder to lean on needs just as much loving, listening and leaning as you do. (I hate oxford commas). Too many people don't want to be saved from their sin they want to be saved from the punishment of their sin. Well, sorry, but there's not a Chipotle on every corner or dessert buffets with angel food cake. Heaven is filled with every one of God's exceeding expectations who realized the world was not worth it and unselfishly gave up themselves to pick up their own cross and Follow God. Because they were in love with HIM not what He had to offer.
It's easy for me to get angry with those who aren't doing what God wants them to. People can tell me, "Oh it's such an encouragement to see you grow." It is? Then show me. If you want what I have then let go of what's holding you back. If you really want to experience God's glory than put away the things of the past and do what He tells you to do. He might be telling me to not wear shoes for 3 weeks, and though that sounds like a dream come true to you, He might be telling you to sell all your clothes or break up with your boyfriend. Just because what Christ is doing in someone else's life may look glamorous doesn't always mean they didn't have to struggle to get there. When my grandmother passed away I didn't hear anyone telling me, "Man Alyssa, the only person you could ever relate to or depend on just died? Sweet dude, I wish I was you!" No, with that being said God took huge advantage of that oppritunity and I was able to grow a lot during that time. Everything worthwhile never comes easily. So don't tell me, "Gee, I wish God would speak to me the way He speaks to you." But then when you hear Him tell you loud and clear to take away the road blocks you turn the other cheek. DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE DROWNING IF YOU LIKE THE FEELING OF WATER IN YOUR LUNGS. I'm telling you, God speaks to me just like He does me, He just might be telling you something you don't want to hear. "So wash your hands you sinners and purify your hearts you double-minded." James 4:8
I've come to the realization that most high school kids are very, very shallow. I apologize for my pessimism :)
The following is an excerpt from my journal while my time of solitude. Heads up: for those of you who don't know me very well, I'm sort of a cynical person... So bare with me if this may seem a little harsh. Just what I was shown over my solitude with Christ.
I'm seventeen-years-old and I already have the songs picked out that will play at my funeral. I don't know what color my prom dress is but I know A Thousand Miles will be on the soundtrack to tears on that day. I'm more focused on this world after my life than my life after this world. Where are my priorities? Am I really that important that once I die people are going to be concerned with me or think so highly of me that I need to plan out their sorrows for me? Of course, things are going to be different when I'm gone; that goes for everyone. But the only thing I need to worry about is: where will I be when I'm gone? I hear this every Sunday and at every Christ-shattering experience: "If you love God and you want Him to be in your life just say a prayer and tell Him, 'Jesus, I love you and I want you to be my savior,'" Give or take a few words and you just bought yourself salvation. That's great, don't get me wrong-not one day passes where I regret opening up that pocketing bible at Awanas and accepting Jesus as my Savior but no one ever told me when I opened my eyes and left that room the devil was going to be on my butt til the day I turn in my second life, whether that be at Heaven's gates or next winter. No one tells you that once the puppies and ice cream is all gone God's going to ask you to do away with some of you old ways. No one let's you know that it's not always going to be cool to walk with Christ. No one remembers that, that shoulder to lean on needs just as much loving, listening and leaning as you do. (I hate oxford commas). Too many people don't want to be saved from their sin they want to be saved from the punishment of their sin. Well, sorry, but there's not a Chipotle on every corner or dessert buffets with angel food cake. Heaven is filled with every one of God's exceeding expectations who realized the world was not worth it and unselfishly gave up themselves to pick up their own cross and Follow God. Because they were in love with HIM not what He had to offer.
It's easy for me to get angry with those who aren't doing what God wants them to. People can tell me, "Oh it's such an encouragement to see you grow." It is? Then show me. If you want what I have then let go of what's holding you back. If you really want to experience God's glory than put away the things of the past and do what He tells you to do. He might be telling me to not wear shoes for 3 weeks, and though that sounds like a dream come true to you, He might be telling you to sell all your clothes or break up with your boyfriend. Just because what Christ is doing in someone else's life may look glamorous doesn't always mean they didn't have to struggle to get there. When my grandmother passed away I didn't hear anyone telling me, "Man Alyssa, the only person you could ever relate to or depend on just died? Sweet dude, I wish I was you!" No, with that being said God took huge advantage of that oppritunity and I was able to grow a lot during that time. Everything worthwhile never comes easily. So don't tell me, "Gee, I wish God would speak to me the way He speaks to you." But then when you hear Him tell you loud and clear to take away the road blocks you turn the other cheek. DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE DROWNING IF YOU LIKE THE FEELING OF WATER IN YOUR LUNGS. I'm telling you, God speaks to me just like He does me, He just might be telling you something you don't want to hear. "So wash your hands you sinners and purify your hearts you double-minded." James 4:8
I've come to the realization that most high school kids are very, very shallow. I apologize for my pessimism :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I'm so over this, for now.
I'm 17 years old and I should be living The Best Years of My Life. So help me God, I pray not. High school sucks. My prom is 3 weeks away and I haven't even looked for a dress. I love my life, don't get me wrong, but at times I find myself searching for more. Which is good, right? I mean as Americans we are constantly trying to upgrade EVERYTHING we have but I think God distinctively made me an American so I wouldn't find comfort in my walk with Him. You should never be comfortable with where you are, God is constantly trying to mold us.
I've seen, lately, the oppritunities God has set before me to grow and become more like Him. You learn something new everyday but if you're with God you should be learning plenty more! He has something to show us in every situation. I think we forget that. I think we forget that God placed us at that stoplight when we're running late to test our patience. We forget why God has us sit down with our mothers and show them how to use technology- service.
A good friend of mine is in ICU trying to recover from a seizure she had last night, we know little but she is heavily sedated. My prayers are with her family but my heart knows that God is with them and whatever happens is His will. My friend's father is not saved and this could be a great oppritunity for him to see what this whole God guy is all about. God's faithfulness is going to shine through this situation whether we like it or not. I think we lose sight of that.
My cousin passed away last month and at the funeral they reminded us that God judges you at the end of your life. I think we forget about that. I think we lose sight of the fact that, at this moment, we're missing oppritunities to complete God's will. If we don't act upon it there are 6,911,341,249 other people in the world God is more than willing to ask.
So don't forget what we're here for. I'm so over this, but maybe that means I need to be stretching for more? Or maybe I'm still here because God has more things in store for me I haven't noticed yet. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
I've seen, lately, the oppritunities God has set before me to grow and become more like Him. You learn something new everyday but if you're with God you should be learning plenty more! He has something to show us in every situation. I think we forget that. I think we forget that God placed us at that stoplight when we're running late to test our patience. We forget why God has us sit down with our mothers and show them how to use technology- service.
A good friend of mine is in ICU trying to recover from a seizure she had last night, we know little but she is heavily sedated. My prayers are with her family but my heart knows that God is with them and whatever happens is His will. My friend's father is not saved and this could be a great oppritunity for him to see what this whole God guy is all about. God's faithfulness is going to shine through this situation whether we like it or not. I think we lose sight of that.
My cousin passed away last month and at the funeral they reminded us that God judges you at the end of your life. I think we forget about that. I think we lose sight of the fact that, at this moment, we're missing oppritunities to complete God's will. If we don't act upon it there are 6,911,341,249 other people in the world God is more than willing to ask.
So don't forget what we're here for. I'm so over this, but maybe that means I need to be stretching for more? Or maybe I'm still here because God has more things in store for me I haven't noticed yet. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
fear is for cowards
At church we are doing 40 days of ordinary people to spend time in God's word and blog about it http://bluechairsandbleachers.blogspot.com/ During my time of blogging I felt a real accountability and connection with knownigly putting my relationship with Christ out for other people to read about. During that week God showed me more than I expected, but probably because I was more conscience because I knew I had to come up with something at the end of the day to tell my fellow blue-chair-and-bleacher-ees.
Now that I'm in high school it's hard to find the type of accountability the blog had to offer; if I didn't blog people would be able to check and see I had been slacking. After that week ended God had been pushing me to start up a blog of my own, I kind of shrugged it off holding it off as long as I could. Soon, other people mentioned the same thing to me starting one, I knew that if I went through with having one I would have someone to blame as to why I started my own. "Oh well X thought it would be good for me to connect life to others about God," "Y said I was a good writer and wanted to see more," "Z reminded me how much it was like journaling." Even though X, Y, and Z had valid points their opinions were merely rehearsed conversations I had in my head incase anyone was going to make fun of why I'm doing this. The only logical reason I am starting this blog is because I am completely and utterly in love with my Savior Jesus Christ and He told me to start this. My excuses are unnecessary, for as Theodor Geisel once said: "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
So thank you to whomever you are reading this, your accountability is greatly appreciated.
Alyssa Hicks
Now that I'm in high school it's hard to find the type of accountability the blog had to offer; if I didn't blog people would be able to check and see I had been slacking. After that week ended God had been pushing me to start up a blog of my own, I kind of shrugged it off holding it off as long as I could. Soon, other people mentioned the same thing to me starting one, I knew that if I went through with having one I would have someone to blame as to why I started my own. "Oh well X thought it would be good for me to connect life to others about God," "Y said I was a good writer and wanted to see more," "Z reminded me how much it was like journaling." Even though X, Y, and Z had valid points their opinions were merely rehearsed conversations I had in my head incase anyone was going to make fun of why I'm doing this. The only logical reason I am starting this blog is because I am completely and utterly in love with my Savior Jesus Christ and He told me to start this. My excuses are unnecessary, for as Theodor Geisel once said: "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
So thank you to whomever you are reading this, your accountability is greatly appreciated.
Alyssa Hicks
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