Monday, January 26, 2015

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

One more week

One week. In one week from today, I will be on a plane headed to Peru for 6 months. 26 weeks. 183 days. Wut.
     It hasn't really hit me. Yeah, I'm going to Peru, but I've been going to Peru for the last 6 months. 6 months ago I was in Peru! Things look different, but God said Peru and that's all I really need to know.
     I've been reading through Exodus and God has reminded me so much of His character these past few months. God delivering His people out of Egypt and Moses giving Him every reason why he's unequipped to be the one to lead that. Exodus 3:12, "But I will be with you," said God. 3:14, "I AM WHO I AM." 3:17, "I promise that I will bring you up out of your affliction..." God covers all of His doubts. Moses wasn't adequate to lead, but God equipped him.
     I've ran into my own 10 plagues during this preparation period leading up to the trip. From parents saying "if," to doctors saying "no," I've had to trust in what God told me and have the faith that was content if He changed His mind.
     While in Peru, I started reading the book of Daniel. Daniel was a young, handsome, wise, intelligent and teachable man (Daniel 1:4) who stood up for what he believed in (1:8) and had faith in God (2:16). Daniel was humble (2:20-23), sacrificial (2:24), and gave all glory to God (2:27). Talk about husband material. Anyways, God used the book of Daniel back in July to prepare me for what I was getting myself into. I know God said January, but did I believe He'd get me there?

     I talked at TPX, my home church's youth ministry, about the fiery furnace and all that stuck out to me in that story was Daniel 3:17-18. Shad, Mesh, and Ben were being told by the king if they didn't deny their God and bow down and worship some golden figurine than they were going to be burned alive.
     Their response was, through a yawn while cleaning the dirt from under their fingernails was, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, your majesty. But even if he doesn't, we want to make it clear to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up."
     I've read these words before, but I know how this story turned out for them. I know Shad, Mesh, and Ben's fate on the other side of those flames, I knew what reaped from their faithfulness. But they didn't! They didn't know if they were going to live through that! Like, think about it, they should have died or if they lived, they'd had lived in mockery because of it. God is healer, but those kind of burns would've taken time, brother.
     I've been living in Daniel 3:15-18 for the past few months. I've had my king Nebuchadnezzars tell me no and ask "who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?" and I've astoundingly had the faithfulness to say, "My God is able to save me, but even if He doesn't I still believe He's the only one worth serving."
     God does weird stuff and there's still a ton of things I'm worried about (like where am I going to watch the Super Bowl? There's so much hockey left and baseball hasn't even started!) but who cares, because God will be there with me just like He was with Moses.

In one week, Courtney Buttress and I will land in Lima and fly out to Pacasmayo to spend about 3-4 weeks in the orphanage, help our friend with her adoption and get ready for school. In March I'll start my second semester of my junior year at a university in Lima with students from all across the world. The rest, who knows.
     Exodus 33, God tells Moses it's time to move, to leave the dessert and Moses says, "as long as your presence comes with me, I'll be there." That's where I'm kind of at.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Drawn to Redemption by the Grace in His Eyes

     Something terrible happened this week. Something just awful, but I can't say it's the first time this thing has happened to me before. You'd think since I've faced this exact trauma that I'd have been a little better prepared for it, but I wasn't. It was in fact worse than the first time.
     This week, I lost my pen.
     This pen was my favorite pen, I use it to write in the margins of my bible because of its bold color and convenient clip on the lid that keeps it secured to my bible. They're hardly ever separated. I was in Denver this week and when I pulled my bible out of my bag, this pen loosened and fell onto the bed as I lay my bible there. We left and when I came back I couldn't find my pen anywhere. I freaked. I'm a writer and what pen I use is one of the only things I have control of in my life.
     I asked my roommates if they had seen it and one of them asked if it was the pen I use with my bible, "You've had that pen forever! I'm sorry I haven't seen it, that sucks." She knew how much that pen meant to me, she could've just thought I was being irrational, but that came much later. I would be taking naps and wake up and start moving furniture. I unfolded all of my clothes, searched though the bed sheets--but no pen. I asked my roommates all week, nothing, nowhere. I'm pretty sure they thought I was crazy.
     I've lost my favorite pen before, but 2 hours later I had found it, that pen has since then ran out of ink, so this three day search for this young, full-of-ink pen was exasperating.
     I got desperate. I wrote a note to the maids asking if they had seen it. We went to a session and when I got back, there was the pen. Right there on my bed. I wanted to go find the maid and hug her--even though there was a 90% chance she stole it...but who cares because my pen was back! I wish I could say I'm exaggerating, but I really got this excited about a pen.
     I thought about that. I thought about how ridiculous I had been acting to receive that much joy over finding a missing pen.
     Luke 15 came to mind. "If I got this excited about a pen coming back into my hands, imagine how pleased God is when a soul comes running into His arms."
     Then I looked at this pen. I thought about how it has bled through every page I have ever used it to write on. I thought about how the ink expands, keeping me from writing small enough to actually fit in the margins. I was reminded of the explosion that happened in Ephesians 2--yes, in that passage, but on my page in my own bible. My pen exploded and there is left a huge ink stain on those pages. I didn't choose to use this pen because it was perfect, I chose to use this pen because I wanted to.
     I leave ink stains among God's holy scripture all the time, yet He keeps me. He bandages me up and keeps using me.
     Sometimes I see people and think, Oh, she's too pretty, there's no way she's a believer. or He's already a star athlete, why does he deserve the gospel too, on top of all that goodness? If we were to sit and talk about all we deserve, the list would be pretty short, in fact only one thing would be on it: death. Christ desires something else for us. If I believe I'm not good enough for it, I believe Jesus' sacrifice on the cross wasn't enough. If I keep the Good News of Jesus Christ from the pretty people, the successful people or whomever, if I think the lost are just fine without it, by doing that I'm saying that Jesus' death on the cross wasn't all that much. Why would I ever deprive myself or others of the fulfillment of knowing Christ?