Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening

Dear God,
     Thank You. As I remember each breath that leaves my lungs is from Your grace, I pray that I hold tight to Your promises. God, keep me wholeheartedly invested in whatever it is You have for me. Drown out all other noises except Your voice and continue to allow me to grow in Your desires. Make my hands Your hands, my feet Your feet and keep me focused on the prize that only You can offer. Make my walk draw others close to You and let my talk overflow of Your blessings. God, I pray that this is not only my prayer today, for a new year, but for every new day. Let each hour of my life be dedicated to Your mission for me. Speak, Lord, for you servant is listening.

Oceans by Hillsong should come with a warning label: My Summer Plans and Other Musings

     This song has led to more problems than promises. This song was brought into my life in a season of harvest, at a time in my life when God was good and after a long season of laboring, I was finally seeing the fruit of that labor. One night, I posted some of the song lyrics (Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me) to my twitter and that night I got a phone call from one of my best friends. 

     Logan: "Why did you post that song?"

     Me: "I don't know, I had just been listening to it all day and it's kind of been a cry for me."

     Logan: "It's been my prayer for a while."

     MISTAKE NUMBER ONE. Do NOT ask God to lead you somewhere unless you are not willing to do so. He WILL in fact call you to somewhere, whether you're willing to go or not, the opportunity will arise and you will have the choice to take God's blessings or leave it. But I was naive and thought it was a good idea. As I continued to pray this song over my life, I felt moved to ask my four closest friends what they had planned for the summer. I asked them just as a telemarketer would try to sell you a household bluetooth device.

     Me: "Are you guys tired of the ordinary lives we're all living? Do you ever feel dragged down by the mundane and just want do something new to do?"

     Samantha: "Yes!"

     Logan: "yea!"

     Olivia: "Yessss"

     Me: "Well I've really felt led to invite you all to a trip with me. I don't know where yet, but I want to extend this invitation, because I feel like God wants you guys with me, too. Whether it's all of you or just one, God's telling me to invite you all, too."

     So for the next few days we asked around about some missions opportunities and prayed where God wants us to go individually. A week later, we gathered back up and discussed our options. On our list, we had Florida, Haiti, London, Peru, China and Jerusalem. When we all came together, Logan had came to the conclusion that Peru was where God wanted her. For me, I felt like God was calling me to go wherever my friends go. There was a strong pull on my heart to live life with them, that I needed to be willing to go where God was leading them and in turn leading me. Samantha was in between Peru and China, so we all agreed to pray daily at 3:00 pm and ask God about our plans and to take the leap of faith, wherever that may be. As for Olivia, Oceans had led her to an entirely different direction, but I'm sure she would be willing to share with whoever may ask her. 

     So as for my summer, Logan, Samantha and I will be spending six weeks in Peru working at an orphanage. We will be living life with the women in the community and loving on children while spreading God's word and love to others' lives. We will have much more later on updates, but as for now, please take this away: if you're going to pray for opportunity, also pray for preparation. As for me, I'm excited for what God has planned and I'm excited to include you all in that plan. 

     Please check out our Peru blog, where we will update about our journey getting there, being there and heading back: http://lasperu.wordpress.com

Roses and Thorns, but Mostly Thorns.

ADVISEMENT: All of these are real life examples, though they are extremely unimportant to my driving point. Please feel free to scan and only read the bold, italicized words.
     Thorn 1: Today was an awful day and I hated every minute of it. I woke up from having food poisoning all day yesterday, being stuck in bed. On time and well rested, I didn't think today was going to be so bad. I had a presentation, but I wasn't too worried about it; public speaking doesn't really get to me.
     Thorn 2: I have three classes back to back, so my first class was totally bogus and all we did was talk about the final, basically he left us no hope, so that was encouraging. I asked my friend in class when our final assignment was due. She replied with a queasy face, "At 9.00 this morning."
     It was 10:30
     Thorn 3: Then was my presentation. I get to class a little early to prepare and as I look for my abstract on my article. I don't have it. I look on my USB. Not on it. Check my email, maybe? Nope.
     Thorn 4: Finally it was time for me to present. My slideshow was incompatible with the internet browser.
     Thorn 5: Later that afternoon, one of my roommates and I went to the store and I offered to drive, lost my keys.
     Thorn 6: Then, we decided walked to the library to get some studying done. I find the perfect little study space and zip open my backpack to start working. My books missing. I left it at home.
     Thorn 7: So I start the long hike back to my apartment to get my book and hike all the way back to the library only to find my perfect little study space stolen. Cool.
     Thorn 8: After the library, I had to head to class. I don't have a final in this class, we only have to turn in some papers. I had emailed myself the last two papers, so I could print them off in class. Yeah, turns out I emailed myself the same paper twice. It's fine.
     Thorn 9: After class, I head to the computer lab, to finish the work I started in the library. I unzip my backpack to grab my USB, but nothings there. I left it in class. Yep, so to class, I head back.
     Thorn 10: Once I'm done with the computer lab, I wait for the campus shuttle to take me home. I sit in front of the student union like SpongeBob in the Glove World episode waiting for a bus, but one never comes... (Ok, that was a little dramatic). So I pull my phone out, but it's dead.

     It's almost 8:00 and I'm finally home. I just want to thank everybody who's still reading this (or skipped down to this part). The first thing I wanted to do was sit down and talk about how awful my day was. List out all the things that went wrong and dwell in the things that didn't go my way. I can sit here and complain, but who wants to listen to that? Who cares? I'm going to be honest and say, no one actually cares if things go your way or not. If you had a delightful PB&J for lunch a morbid turkey sandwich. No one actually cares. The only one it really effects is yourself, so whether it's a PB&J or turkey on rye, you have the choice to find the rose in that situation.

     Rose 1: I woke up feeling refreshed, I wasn't suffering from my own dumb consequences of eating expired food...
     Rose 2: That was the last assignment of the semester, whether I missed it or not, I am done with that class!
     Rose 3:Thankfully, one of my roommates was home and she was able to log onto my computer and email it to me in time.
     Rose 4: I've finally learned how to work Windows 8 and was able to open it up in a different browser without anyone really noticing.
     Rose 5: I had my keys in my backpack the whole time, ha. I'll blame my memory loss on the food poisoning and all that funny medicine.
     Rose 6: I was able to get some extra exercise in! ("extra" used loosely).
     Rose 7:Ok, so this kind of sucks, still, but I'm at a university library, it's not like I wasn't surrounded by other perfect little study spaces.
     Rose 8: I had to rewrite this paper, but it wasn't nearly as long and it only took me about 15 minutes. That class has a printer, so I could finish it without my teacher even noticing.
     Rose 9: I was one of the last ones to leave class, my teacher was talking about aviation or some other lame topic with a student. Luckily they're conversation didn't bore them enough! They were still there, so I was able to get back into the classroom and my USB was right where I left it.
     Rose 10: I was able to get a little extra, extra exercise in! And, it's 2013 in America. I was 8 feet away from an outlet in every direction, plus I had my charger.

     Today, I read an article about a kid in India who was brutally killed for his Christian faith. My first thought was, "I at least have it better than that guy." But that's not my goal. I don't want to compare my suffrages with others; I want to pray for their benefit, comfort them with love, mercy and humility. After all, the only person our circumstances really effect is ourselves. So choose goodness.
And don't ask God for patience.

Safety Net

     This is the spoken word I wrote and recited at church yesterday, the words were requested for me to post, so here they are. Here's a video from church with Olivia, because it doesn't sound nearly as good without her.
     I wrote this poem in a very hopeless place. After all I've---we've had to face lately, I had the option but to pursue His hope or cry on my own shoulder. I've done the latter and it's just not as
satisfying.

God, I don't know what You're doing
I don't understand Your plans
But I'm hurt, I'm broken and the only thing I have left to cling to is all I know
So as I cry awaiting Your reply you give me the choice: to sit in my misery or walk in Your light
So I fight

I fight for my joy, protect my hope, run towards Your love
Because I can't sit here like a sitting duck waiting for my luck to change
You gave me Your life so in return I'll give You mine

I'll face the fire with hope, knowing that not even in the furnace am I alone
My hope that knows You can save me and my hope that's content if You don't
My hope that isn't in my excuses or the voices of the anonymous
My hope that is in You, the only One who keeps all His promises
So I'll pursue Your hope, because nothing satisfies more than the joy I've fought for
Because the hope that I pursue isn't the desire that You'll pull through
My hope in You is surer than the sun will rise
It's clearer than the morning sky
It's brought forth in my darkest moments

Because I know the promise that has occurred and is yet to come
The promise that came and conquered the chains
That held my hand when I couldn't stand
The promise that brings my soul to rest
the promise that had me on His mind when He breathed His last breath
So all of my life in every season
You are still God I have a reason to sing
God, I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise, I will rejoice, I will declare
Because God You are my victory, God You are here

So I'll go where You take me
I'll sit where You tell me
I'll dwell in Your existence
For You have me and that's enough

So I give thanks to You for the dirt
I thank You for the new creations
I thank You for the hurt
Because my circumstances won't rob You of Your adoration
They won't keep me in the boat
I will sprint towards Your hope
Because You are good
And tomorrow won't change that

This is a link to The Desert Song by Hillsong, which is the bridge and chorus that Olivia sings over me. A great song and one definitely worth checking out :)