I remember when I first decided to accept all that God had to offer, my biggest concern was what He was going to ask me on my end. I thought that by being a Christian, that going all in, meant I'd have to stop being funny. I thought it meant I'd have to stop having an opinion, raise 5 kids, never cut my hair, and cross my legs when I sit. Because so many of us, as Christians, we tell our story as, "Hi, I'm Alyssa and before I knew God I was a prideful, arrogant jerk who could talk myself in and out of anything. But then I accepted Jesus Christ in my heart." --and credits.
I mean, all that's true, but what I usually seem to leave out is the fact that I still am a prideful, arrogant jerk. I could sell ice to the devil and I have a talent of telling people how it is. Of course, yeah, I have my good days, but if I'm not battling those sins, I've got some other self-absorbed desire that I have to shake off. Yes, the Spirit lives within me and I love God's law with all my heart, but there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me, so daily I take up my cross and ask God to strip me of my flesh, with the faith that knows He can and the faith that knows, even if He chooses not to, He's given me His Spirit to combat it.
I met a girl this summer who reminded me a lot of myself and I watched this 15-year-old girl's body language and listened to her tell me stories about how she talks to her parents or sisters. I cringed and thanked God for the mercy He had on me to not allow 15-year-old Alyssa live out her plans in this life.
I've been all in with God for awhile but that disobedient spirit in me still fights against what He has planned. But every time I give in to His will and allow myself to be refined by His fire it's worth every millisecond.
I've said this before, but let me say it again: My decision to follow God wasn't an option. Once I encountered the love of Jesus Christ and let His grace wash over me, I knew that waking up every morning with that hole in my chest wasn't something I was willing to settle for anymore. Because when the God of the universe didn't only extend an arm down into that hole of muck I dug yourself into, but got down in that muck with me and lift me out of it, I couldn't go back to sleepless nights staring at the ceiling searching for the answer of where each one of my breaths come from. I couldn't live in that regret and shame and unworthiness a moment longer. I had tasted the sweetest wine, how could I ever go back to drinking water?
Following God wasn't an alternative for me, it was my only choice available. All the others paled in comparison, trust me, I tried them out. But choosing God wasn't my only choice. I've had to choose to follow Him every day since then.
Christianity isn't a way out or a solution to your most current problem, it's truth. It doesn't lessen your troubles, but it does give you the peace and strength to face them. Following God isn't easy, but it's worth it. Oh, is it worth it.
Christianity isn't a way out or a solution to your most current problem, it's truth. It doesn't lessen your troubles, but it does give you the peace and strength to face them. Following God isn't easy, but it's worth it. Oh, is it worth it.
I've been in this race for 5 solid years now, and there is no other place I'd rather be than with my eyes on the ground looking to where His feet take me next. God knew I had a free spirit, so He gave me wings and these wings have allowed me to fly and have taken me farther than I could have ever asked or imagined. Then there are times when I have to ask God to clip them, so I can stay where He asks me to.
It seems to be that I remember my past struggles over my current ones, but the reality of it is that I'm a soldier fighting a war and not every day is rainbows and lollipops and not every battle I enter do I win. But in this fight, I'm on the winning army and even during those times of strife, they are still better than my days without Him.
