You give and take away.

I think it's easy to think of God as a glorious man in the clouds who is forgiving, merciful and full of grace; but we tend to forget that that same man is righteous, asking, and above all: a choice. No one said you must follow Christ. It's an option, a suggestion even. If you want a fulfilling life with a great eternity than be as Christ was and in the process you will be overflowing with joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, love, self-control, and–I'm sure there's one I'm missing–things will go the best way possible, maybe not in your eyes, but they're all apart of a greater plan anyways.
God is viewed too much as a fairy god-mother: if you're really real than tomorrow I'll ace my algebra test. Then we're upset when we don't get what we want. God isn't going to hand you good grades, the perfect companion, or you dream job without you giving your all to Him, too.
I'm young, being 17 is probably one of the biggest things that holds me back from living up to God's standard. I know it sounds lame but there's just so much more intriguing things for me to do, so many more things cloud my thoughts. But then I look at my peers; I'm no one to judge but the ones who claim to be as Christ is aren't always acting as such; some more visible than others but it's all the same. I know God is a merciful god but he is also righteous, you can't keep messing up and expect Him to be cool with it.
Like any team or sport you have to try out to be officially on the team, if you're not good enough for basketball, what happens? You get cut. If you suck at dodgeball you're going to be the last one picked. Now, luckily God has already chosen us, and as his starters we must endure, for if we don't there's a million other bench warmers that are ready to take center stage that much more willing to step up and fulfill God's will. 1 Corinthians 9:27 says, "therefore I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached I will not be disqualified for the prize." If we lose sight of what we're going after we can get cut! Very few and far between but God has done it before, and He can do it again. Nothing on earth is worth losing that. Even through those rough spots or dumb decision making moments, move on and come back from that injury, for it you sit out too long you might forget how to play.

I apologize for my scattered mind.

English Paper

We had to write a life philosophy in my English class and this is the regurgitation of the assignment :)

     The smell of the sterile room was starting to get to me; with every inhale I anticipated my next exhale. A film began to cover my pupils as I slouched in the plastic-covered chair starring at the fragile life that had machines breathing for her. Noises around me were muffled as my mind struggled to comprehend what to expect. For the fourth time in a year’s span I found myself sitting in a hospital room where I had spent my last three holidays and birthday. The tasteless food and four cable channels became a norm to my family for as long as I could remember, but this year was different. My grandmother was always sick but she’d bounce soon enough; yet the lifeless body that lay in front of me now wasn’t the same woman that served me applesauce in a wine glass before Sunday night football. I drowned in the memories of my childhood when I suddenly realized: sometimes, things change, and they are never the same again.

     Change is a fear stricken concept for most, if not all, people and I am not the exception. I stand firm to the saying, “if it’s not broke don’t fix it”, yet I find my life going through more changes than most celebrities go through spouses. I think of things in a very realistic, present-term way; and most of my feelings towards life all trace back to change. My grandmother was one of the only people I could ever depend on; she was the epitome of everything wholesome and now that she was gone I didn’t see a point in looking for any good in the world, knowing it would be a lost cause anyways.

    To the spectators I may seem like a pessimistic, cynical, brutally honest person; but frankly, I just don’t get excitement in living in your dreams. I’m a person of action, I’m far from lovable, and I know fairytale endings are left on the silver screen after the credits role. After my grandmother passed I quit trusting people and did my best not to get too close to anyone. I knew that–even if it wasn’t intentional–they wouldn’t be there for me forever. Once the school year came to a close and June rolled around I had to get away from these artificial smiles. My grandmother always said, “If you’re bored: go help someone.” So I took her advice and spent a week in Purdy, Missouri.

     I went to a camp called Barnabas that is designed for children with disabilities to ensure they have a full summer-camp experience granted their situations. There I met Olga, an adopted Russian about my age whose motorized wheelchair she controlled with her only two fingers. Olga’s biological parent’s survived the Chernobyl disaster but as a result everything in them and on them was poisoned with radiation, thus was Olga. They gave her up for adoption and Olga spent her first years of life hungry and neglected in a metal crib. On the bottom bunk in her cabin she told me these stories through her teeth as she made bracelets for every camper, counselor, and cook there; with the embroidery string looped around her only big toe she held the loose string with her two fingers and pulled the knots tight with her teeth. Olga’s hard past carried her into a brighter day. She never forgot where she came from and counts her disabilities as a blessing because she’s able to share her light to other sorrowful souls. There I modified my view of happiness and was shown how important simplicity really is.

     Olga reminded me there still is some good in the world. This day, 3 years later, I can still look down at the colored strings tied around my left wrist and be reminded of the 14-year-old smile that dragged me out of myself and instilled all those morals my grandmother talked about. That pessimistic, cynical, brutally honest person is still apart of me but now she’s not hopeless. Unlike the majority I no longer have to live in my dreams, but I know I have the power to live them out. Change chases after us and attacks without warning but we have the choice to run with it or let the it smack us in the face like a frigid wind on our already cold cheeks. We have the choice to sit in that numbness or become a child to our new situations and absorb all of its experiences. I am strong, I am wise, I am realistic. I think I’ve lost just enough hope to grow up and kept just enough of my innocence to remain a child for as long as I choose.

I can't speak for the crowd, but as for me....

     Being a high school student, I'm continually reminded of the ignorant, shallow-minds of the majority of my peers. It's as if no one knows how to think for themselves; with all religion aside I think it's important to have a stance for something, ANYTHING. But that being said: there will always be a critic out there anticipating to jump on ones back at the first sign of a chance. I hate being categorized. There is so much more to me than what meets the eye–both good and bad–and so many people aren't willing to give it a second chance because of whom they've made up in their mind to be who I am. But when it comes down to it, you are what you do. If you're in band you're socially awkward, if you play football you cheat on every test, if you wrestle you must smoke, or if you dance you must be easy–and the list goes on. Stereotypes, even if they are true, have broken man's ability to make up their own mind thus becoming subconsciously judgmental of everyone. I try my best not to fall into this trend but as a human I find myself thinking less of people who don't have the same beliefs, morals, or insight that I do. And even more so to those who DO claim to have the same beliefs, morals, and insights that I do!

     No one is perfect, I have overlearned this concept eight too many times, but if you are going to claim to be something–than be it! If you claim to be an starting running back, score some touchdowns; if you speak of being extremely intelligent, let your grades speak for you, if you say you're a druggie, get high. In the same way, if you tell people you're a Christian be a Christ Follower and show them the truth. 1 Peter 3:15 says, "Always be ready to give anyone who asks you for the reason for the hope that you have, but do this gentleness and respect." I can't speak for every "Christian" when I say this but I will remain prepared and I will continue to be set apart and open minded, ready to take on my next trial.