Jamaica and Wedding Bells

     This past week, I spent my time in Jamaica on a missions trip. I came in with these expectations of what I thought my week would look like, but as usual, God planned on showing me something completely different.
     To everyone who doesn't already know, I don't exactly love children. Shocking, I'm sure, but the fact of the matter is, I'm not the #1 Babysitter. I've been told time and time again that "I'll never find a man if I keep doing (insert gross habit, immature humor, indepence, etc. here)." If God made me into this person, why would He want me to change to be with someone I've been told He's handpicked for me? I've made my intentions very clear about my future; my lack on interest in children and even marriage seem to surprise most women, but like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7, you don't have to get married. In fact, singleness is a gift and those who are single are able to do so much more for God, because they have the time to do so. Don't get me wrong, I have my selfish reasons to remain single; I'd prefer a corner office, loft in the city and vacation to Europe.
     This past week, I was ready for God to show me I've been lazy or something, how to fix it and in the end, I'd be closer to Him because of it. Instead, while I built houses alongside Jamaicans, for whatever reason, God kept bringing children to mind. Every night, we had courtyard and Jamaicans were invited to come to the house and hang out with us. I met all kinds of people, but kept my focus on the adult women. The next day on the jobsite, God brought up my own nephews. I thought, God forbid, if anything were to ever happen to my brother or sister, I would be willing to help out with my nephews. Not single-handedly raise them, but I'd allow them come over to my place for an hour or so on Saturdays. I shared this with the group the next morning before we went out to our serving opportunities and I got some funny looks, I know it doesn't sound like much, but that's a step for me.
     That day on the job, there was a little girl at the house I was working at. Her name was Gabi and she was about 7-years-old. She helped me shovel cement, dig marl and smooth the walls--or at least she tried. In all honesty, she was in the way. She kept throwing the cement in the wrong piles, was mixing up sifted marl with the unsifted and dented a few of the walls. I knew right at that moment I spoke too soon, that's it, only a half hour on Mondays for the nephews. I wasn't exactly nice to her, either, but for whatever reason, she liked me. She wouldn't leave me alone, always wanting to hold my hand and hugging me. Eventually I learned how to deal with it and I just talked to her like I would talk to an adult. She wasn't so bad, she just didn't know what she was doing, and I wasn't telling her to do otherwise. Yet, still, I made it very apparent I don't want kids, and told more people than I ever had I don't ever want to get married, usually out of context, too. I was trying to avoid whatever it was God was trying to tell me.
     If you were to ask me, I'd tell you I gave the reins to God years ago. I've become content with the hand I've been dealt, but one thing God showed me this week is that I've misinterpreted some of the things He's promised me. That just because I want a corner office and peace of mind forever, just because that isn't conventional doesn't mean that's what He wants for me. I know the waiting list for those things are much shorter for young Christiain women, but that doesn't mean it's in my future, who knows, maybe it is. But as of now, I'm no longer preparing my heart for the life I had planned out, but preparing for today, because that's all that's promised to me.

To the Class of 2013

     In honor of graduation today, I decided I'd pass on the little knowledge I have to the most recent high school graduates. I was in that same spot just a year ago and as I look at where I've come from since graduation, it's by God's grace that I'm here where I stand today.
     I remember senior recognition at church last year. Scott Sterling asked us senior girls to be on a panel and talk about our years through high school and how God has shaped our lives through the past four years, preparing us for the next four. I wasn't where I needed to be with God at that time, but I figured I could get up there on stage and say some godly things without anybody realizing I was in a real crummy spot in my walk. When it came to be my turn, I was asked what verse had carried me through high school. I knew the answer immediately, it's a verse I've accidently memorized from just spending so much time with it in high school. It was from TPX weekend in 8th grade 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. Midway through the verse I, Alyssa Hicks, started crying. I never cry--like, never. But the words I was saying weren't true. I hadn't been running the race, I hadn't been beating my body. I was running like a man running aimlessly and if it was up to man, I definitely would've been disqualified for the Prize. I got in front of church that Sunday, confident in the flesh to have just enough Jesus points left in me to fake the spot I was in. That was a wakeup call.
     That summer, I made sure to make my body my slave. Nothing that I was chasing after was everlasting, and that was empty; not just unfulfilling, but empty. God had surrounded me around four great sisters-in-Christ during high school that were great at loving, learning and teaching. That summer I fled from the dirt that covered me and bathed in Christ's grace. I knew I stood for God and I didn't want that line to get blurry once I headed off to school. All summer long I prayed for a roommate that I could help, but also wouldn't hinder me, I prayed for community in college and believers who were chasing after the same things as I. I prayed that I would be able to keep the friendships I had at home and be a light to those new relationships in Springfield.
     Once August came around and I moved down to Missouri State, I had a clear plan of what I was going to do. I was going to stand for God and there was going to be no question about it. I was not going to be easy to sway or curious of what sin could be brought out in this new sense of freedom--I had already tasted the sweetest freedom--and I was going to be a disciple, an ambassador for God.
     This past year, God brought some great believers in my life. Followers of Christ that were all in different spots in their walk and a blessing in mine because of it. I was able to stand for God in the classroom, library, dining hall, on my floor. I stepped out of my comfort zone time and time again because He asked me to. I was thrown in the middle of the road by God to do some things, even though I lacked the courage to do so on my own at times.
     They say college is the place you grow up. You don't have anyone there telling you to clean your room, go to bed or go to church. You choose your path. I can give you that cheesy Abe Lincoln-esque quote about, "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything," and I will, because it's true! If you go to college wanting to be sort of a Christian, you'll leave college more lost than you came. If you fail to plan...
     College can be scary, but it's also liberating. God showed me some of my greatest gifts this past year and chiseled away parts of my heart that didn't reflect His will for my life. The only advice I have is love God, everything else will fall into place.

God lives in Springfield, too

     This year, God has showed me so many different facets of Him. He never fails to impress me with the things He has in store for me, from posting my testimony to YouTube to going to Jamaica this summer, I have seen God push me for my own good so many times. But with all the things going on back at Gateway Church, I hated searching for a church down here in Springfield, because I felt like I was missing out on all the miracles happening back home. God has done so many huge things through Gateway as a whole, as well as the individuals who make up the church. I've been blessed to see coaches take our high school football team on mission trips, friends accept new siblings or sons and daughters into their family, and prisoners accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. And Joey, being the shepherd he is, brought more strength to our church this past year than was ever expected of him. Part of the reason it's been so hard to find a church is because of the high expectations I had. Gateway does things so Christ-centered that I had little faith any other church would even come close to it.
     All year, my friends and I have been church hopping. It's been quite a stressful and tiring job, but through it, I have been able to see the girls that have walked with me through this journey grow alongside me. Maybe I wasn't at Gateway, but I have a community of people who genuinely care for everlasting life and are chasing after the same things as me. God has allowed me to step out on my own and open my mind to the family in Christ I have outside of Blue Springs. I haven't completely gotten over missing out on all the great things going on at Gateway, but I think I've finally found a church down here in Springfield. It wouldn't have been able to be done if it wasn't for the examples I was given back home.
     As the year comes to a close, I find myself not wanting to come home. I've made so many friends down here and home means work, and I don't want to do that either. I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me next year that He's already started. I serve a God who is bigger than Blue Springs, Missouri; who is bigger than Springfield, Missouri. I serve a God who calls people out of darkness and comforts those in need, who brings justice and saves. I serve the God who is.
    

Big Blind

Last weekend, I learned how to play poker. I want to apologize ahead of time to all ladies, for I exemplified every reason women should not be allowed to play poker. I talked, asked too many questions, I was nosey. But why should I just throw away my cards? What's everyone else's hand? How can he just win that without showing us his cards, what if mine were higher or whatever? For lent I gave up participating in gossip, I didn't think it was that big of a problem but I am a girl so I knew there was always room for improvement. In the beginning, I had a hard time defining what was actually gossip and what was just conversation. I lived by Colossians 3:17 and  2 Timothy 2:16. I tried to justify my story telling and listening or caught myself stopping in mid-sentence, realizing this wasn't honoring to God. It sucked, but I found myself talking to God more and I guess that's the whole point of fasting from things, so it served its purpose. In Texas HoldEm you're given two cards, from the beginning you bet whether your cards are better than your competitors, once everyone has bet you turn over 3 cards the first round, and then one and one more the next rounds trying to make the most out of the two cards in your hand and 3 other cards on the table. The problem is, you don't know anyone else's hand. You only know the hand you were dealt. As each round went, my curiosity grew and I wondered what cards they were dealt. Sometimes they tell you, out of bribery or carelessness, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just don't tell you and you'll never know what was going on on the other end. God asked me to do something earlier this year that was totally out of my comfort zone and, like gossiping, I tried to justify my not doing it. I tweaked his question and talked myself out of it a million and two times, I talked to all of my closest friends about it and all of them agreed that God's reasoning for me to do it was greater than any make believe reason I could think of not to do it. I've mentioned before the guy from tpx camp who goes to MSU as well, God wanted me to tell him that he impacted my walk 4 years ago and how. After months of chickening out, today I did it. I had so many fears of what might be his response but I reminded myself that God does not give us a spirit of timidity. Most of the time he looked at me like I was crazy but I knew if it seems I'm crazy it is to bring glory to God. At the end of our conversation all I wanted to do is ask to see his hand. What cards were he dealt? Why is God asking me to go all in? I don't know, may not ever know. I'm just one domino that allowed God create whatever chain reaction is in store. I did what He wanted me to do and even though it may drive me crazy not knowing His will and having blind faith, it's a bet I'm willing to take any day. 

What Would Jesus Do

Today, at church, in honor of Palm Sunday, we talked about Jesus.
As you may know, Jesus is the man who came to earth and saved the world of its sin, because God so loved the world and because Jesus, who came into the world yet was not of the world...and the rest. This year, God's shown me Jesus' death in a different light; I know that Jesus died for my sins and I know because of His great love with which He loved us I have been given grace and hope and the Holy Spirit, but that's not all.
This year,God's shown me how much more childlike my faith has to be. Unlike most college students who are trying to gain independence, I need to be even more dependent on God. And that that first starts with obedience.
When I think of Jesus, I think of this man in a big, white robe with a glowing aura, who never joked and was never clumsy, who never had a bad hair day or who ever farted, but odds are Jesus did all of the above. The guy is the light of the world; He was the man of the hour, He lit up a room with His contagious personality. Jesus was human, or God in the flesh, so He had something on me, but still--He was human, just like me.
And like me, Jesus was dependent on God, He was obedient to His will. Jesus fed 5,000; He turned water in to wine, He walked on water, but Jesus was able to do all of this because of His faith in God. I'm sure Jesus wasn't ecstatic knowing that He was going to be beaten, embarrassed, ridiculed, and killed for the sake of all of our behalf, but He did it because God asked Him to. Jesus died, not only for us, but for God. God asked Him to, He was obedient. In the same way, God asks for our obedience.
I think it's harder for me to grasp the resurrection because I know the end of the story, I know Jesus beats death and I'm the fruit of that, but to live that faith now is so much harder because as humans, we wants to know what we're expecting.
I know I never lived to see Jesus feed the 5,000 or watch Him walk on water, but I was there to see Joey Butler remain faithful to God and our church after he was told about his cancer and life expectancy, I was there to witness to the Sterling's obedience to God when He asked them to adopt five kids from Peru, and I got to see those 5 fruits that came from that obedience. I never got to taste that water that was turned into wine but I was able to watch my dad, Doug Benjamin and Joe Maloney submit to God's calling on their lives and start a bible study within a prison. But if it wasn't for their willingness to put all of their faith into God, nothing would've happened. Lives wouldn't have been changed, lives wouldn't have been saved. We all must take up our own cross.
Even in His humaness, Jesus was faithful and obedient to God's will, so who am I to flee from the goodness of God that is completing His will?

Is there Chipotle in Heaven?

Last week, I did something rather embarrassing--even for me.
It was Wednesday, which is known to be a very busy day for me. I have three classes back to back and then an hour break before my fourth and final class of the day. I had woken up late (10:30 AM) and didn't get a chance to get breakfast before my class that started in 15 minutes, a dangerous combination on these days already because of how scarce my time is to eat, but I battled through and didn't even notice my hunger until my second class around noon. I was on Twitter reading through my timeline and someone mentioned Chipotle.
"Oh that sounds good," said Alyssa's conscious. Nothing new, Alyssa's conscious always thought Chipotle sounded good. Then someone else mentioned Chipotle.
"Wow, when was the last time I've had Chipotle," Alyssa's stomach growled. I knew I didn't have time to get Chipotle on a Wednesday anyways; plus, in my rush to get ready, I forgot to put my contacts in. Even if I wanted Chipotle I wouldn't be able to get it because I'd be driving six blocks visually impaired.
Six blocks. The more I thought about it, the more my stomach growled. I had my wallet in my backpack, that never happened: sign. Google Maps said it would only take 22 minutes to get there, times two, I still had 16 minutes to eat it stationary: sign. As my second class got out and I was headed to my third class before my hour break, I contemplated how badly I truly wanted Chipotle. Nope. No question, at the end of this class in Strong I would walk all the way across campus to get to National--the equivalent to 7 highway to y'all Blue Springs folks--and get Chipotle, luckily my friend agreed to go with me. Class got out and I ran.
I looked like a running back going through the middle heading towards the end zone as I ran through students on campus. Spin to the left, a juke to the right. I ran my way through campus until I made it to National, six more blocks to go.
It was then when I realized my visuals were still necessary. The entire trek to Chipotle was blessed with beautiful weather and I had the green light at each intersection. My contacts didn't matter the closer I got, because Chipotle got clearer by each stride. I finally got to Chipotle and ordered what I wanted and started my journey back. I made it there in 18 minutes, Google Maps.
It was back in my dorm when I found just enough extra time to play one song on Guitar Hero that I turned to my friend and said, "You know, that Chipotle was good, but not nearly as satisfying as God."
I'm at a point in my life right now that even Chipotle can't satisfy. God provides and He is worth more than anything this world has to offer me.
I've done some pretty insane things to get a Chipotle burrito, but how often did I run up busy streets towards things God desires for my life? There's been so many times God leaves my wallet in my backpack, gives me all the green lights and beautiful weather to run towards something he's prepared for me. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm running towards, but the closer I get the clearer it becomes. Is my desire for what the Lord wants for me stronger than my own desires? Is it even close to as fulfilling? Let me run with arms sprawling towards the desires of God. Towards the desires that have become my own.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Doppelgänger

So in my crippled state, my friend and I have found a new obsession with celebrity doppelgängers. This requires much less physical effort than long boarding or tennis but it is just as addictive. I found out that I go to school with a Jennifer Lawrence, Selina Gomez, a Josh Harnett and Arnold from The Magic School Bus. When you tell people they look like someone famous it's nothing shy of a compliment that's usually followed by rosy cheeks and a suppressed smile that tries to decline any physical resemblance to such a person. 

Growing up I was always told I look just like my older brother, which is not what a little sister wants to hear-especially a young lady-ever. But in my later age I started taking it as a compliment. My brother is one of my biggest heroes and someone closest to me who I spend a lot of time with. Because of this, we act alike, sound alike, have similar-polite-etiquette and do share a lot of devilish good looks. 

My sister-in-law swears I look like Bristol Palin, my aunt says Jennifer Love Hewitt, but who I most want to be mistaken as is Jesus. I mean, right? In my action and my speech I want people to confuse me for Jesus. How I love, show respect and gentleness, I want to look like Jesus. How I serve I want to be mistaken as Jesus, how I control myself and how I show patiences. If I'm spending enough time with God, my action, my speech, my etiquette, all of that should resemble Christ Jesus. Now, in the cheesy closing of this entry I give you these passages to chew on; I mean, you are what you eat. . .

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,  but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself  and became obedient to death–  even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,  that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,  and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."(Philippians 2:4-11 NIV84)

We know that  our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. (Romans 6:6 ESV)

Do not be conformed to this world,  but be transformed by  the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may  discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)

If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.  Either way, Christ’s love controls us.  Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.    He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:13-17 NLT)