facing the inevitable

Senior year is in a matter of days and these long, hot summer hours have given me plenty of time to resonate on who I am, the good and the bad, and I've realized there are some parts of me I could do without and other things I want to be filled with. Some things need to change, I just don't know if I'm ready for it.
Change is inevitable. I've learned that, but what I've recently realized is that most of the change we face isn't around us, yet in us. We're the ones that change, and yeah, I guess those around us, but that's not the change we get frustrated with.
The biggest yield to change is fear. Fear of what will happen, what others will think, who won't be for it, but mostly what others will say, to your face or behind your back, they'll talk.
Especially being a girl I'm constantly worried about what others are going to say about me. I know "the only opinion I should worry about is God's..." and His is important to me, too but it's so much easier to care about someone right infront of you.
But I have a big year ahead, a lot of influence and a lot of things planned. I may be standing alone at the end of these nine months, I may be the only one who had gone astray, or we may all pull through and do great things in God's name. I don't want to be the wasted generation, the time is near and I can't waste what's left. So if you're reading this feel free to keep me accountable, feel free to ask what God's up to, and kick me in the butt when I need it. Because I'm no longer craving man's approval-I don't have that kind of time-the only approval I'm worried about is what God wants from me. So I come in to this year with arms wide open and ears eager to hear. Show me where I need to be.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

I've been back from camp for about 48 hours and I've already fallen short of God's glory numerous times. The thing that spoke the loudest to me while at Table Rock was when Meagan said athletes go to camp to gain strength and endurance for the competition in front of them for the rest of the season. The same reason we go to church camp, to gain strength and endurance for the rest of the race we have to run. I learned a lot, but I also came back with, possibly, more questions than answers about my walk. I understand why I went to camp, but I don't understand where I go now that I'm back. I want to start doing big things this year, and I can't tell you honestly what's holding me back from doing any of those things. I still have to strive harder.
Athletes gain their strength throughout the season, they work hard during camps but the real work comes out on game day. Every day is another battle fought for our life as a Christ follower. I don't want to fall behind, because if we claim to be a Christian the enemy is going to be trying that much harder to make us fall. Camp was a wonderful experience but that practice comes into play now that we're back. "So I do not run like a man running aimlessly, I do not fight like a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached I, myself, will not be disqualified for the prize."

Galations 6:9

Lately I've been finding myself extremely impatient with God's timing. I keep trying to rush into things that I think I'm ready for, or move forward and search for something that I wouldn't be able to handle. Being a 17-year-old girl brings on its mundane troubles but nothing too earth shattering. I just want things God knows I'm not ready for, and most of the reason is because I don't have my priorities straight, I'm not putting God first and now realizing this reminds me of what my priorities need to be.
God should be first in every situation no matter what the circumstances-they're not kidding when they tell you that works, it really does. Being human means I want a lot of things, a lot of which I'm not spiritually nor mentally ready for. And I respect that and know that I need to continue putting God first He will tell me when I'm ready for His blessings. So I will continue to pray and I will remain faithful and I will not grow weary because I know He has me. I may not know what's next, but He does. And for now, that's good enough for me.

too much life going on

First off, I just want to apologize for my summer mode. I did not forget about this thing! But I’ve had a lot on my mind. TPX is doing SNL for the summer fellowship and I’ve been able to hang out with the high school girls a lot more lately before my final year of high school starts. It’s good to hear from everyone and what they have to say about our last year and what they want their plans to be. I miss hearing from everyone and actually caring…anyways, I’ve been picking at people lately, trying to get their perspective on certain things involving God, church, people, and themselves and I’ve learned that there’s a lot more I have to pick up and help out. Most kids in high school are searching for something confident to follow but most high schoolers do a horrible job on demonstrating the power of their God because they let others tell them who they are. And everyone in TPX is, or has been, in that situation before, so why don’t we all discuss it? No one wants to man up and admit they’re scared or need help! Well, I need help; I need perspective. I would love for someone to keep me in check, so I’ll continue to strive for high school perspective and let you know how others view life and change. 

48 hours

In 11 hours I'll be at the Thurn's house packing for my 10 day journey.
In 52 hours I'll be at KCI for my very first plane ride.
In the 12 hours following I'll be up in the air... (barf).
And in the 10 days following I'll be in Peru.
All of the above will be firsts for me, not to mention the other firsts I'll be sure to encounter. There's going to be a lot of change in my life in the next two weeks, and to be completely honest, I'm not ready for most of them. I keep thinking of all the other things I need to be taking care of, but if I truly needed to take care of them God wouldn't have planned this trip. My mind's skewed and I don't know what I'm really supposed to be doing. I'm going to be missing our here, but wouldn't the likewise happen I didn't go to Peru? Ahh decisions, right? Coming from someone who's understatemently indecisive I hope all goes well.

May 21, 2011

So as some of you may have heard, the world was supposed to end yesterday. If God's calling me to go, hypothetically I'd drop everything; who wouldn't, right? Well obviously the world didn't end...but it got me thinking, if May 21st were to have been my last day, I wasn't really ready. I have so much planned in my near future and so much to look forward to I just couldn't go yet.
What's wrong with that? From all that I've been told and all that I've heard Heaven's a pretty cool place-better than earth, that's for sure. So what prior engagements could I possibly have planned that could top eternity with Christ? I'm 17-years-old, my near future mostly surrounds around my next meal or Friday night. How am I preparing myself for eternity with Christ, what am I doing now to make this world a better place than before, who the heck am I?! And why haven't I asked God any of these questions... It seems like everytime I get so far I find myself back at the starting line.

embrace the martian

Today in class one of my teachers read an article about one man's opinion on God. Like most people's nowadays his point-of-view was that God falsely ruled the universe. He said that he believed in enough things like family, love, good-nature, people, jell-o, yes, jell-o; that he didn't see the need to start believing in something that wasn't there. After she read the article she asked us our opinions on what the man had to say. Two students stated their 3 word answers: "he is awesome," "what an idiot". Although neither of these students had a strong relationship with God, one more obvious than the other, the rest of us 23 students were the silent majority that didn't want to put our religious business out there. Of those 23, I was one of them, and so were 3 other girls who go to my church.
I knew personally how I felt about our Creator but afterwards I realized I had missed an opportunity to let others know about the God I serve. I don't know; high school is all about standing out to fit in. Everyone is picking up the latest fashion trend, or the exact opposite one to remain avant-garde to the rest of us. A huge fashion trend is to be atheist. Some believe it, but how can you really tell? Once you say you're this or that you're immediately disconnected to all the other things that can't mix with you.
A friend of mine who is atheist was talking about how he hates how other atheists judge him because he hangs out with believers and those believers whose friends do the same thing. It sucks, this vicious circle we're all forced to be in just because society tells us to.
I believe in God for many reasons, I'm not one with needs to conform and Christians are so branded with what they have to be all I can ask for is to step out of the norm and live on with the people God's put infront of me, for however long that may be. I'll have to fit in because Christ's light will make me stand out.
People always complain about how their differences or ways of life cause them to be treated different. I ask you, TREAT ME DIFFERENT. Don't compare me to others, I'm not normal-not even counting that I'm a Christ Follower- I'm awkward!
All I hear about now is to embrace your differences and although those words usually pertain to something totally different, I'm going to do the same for me. So embrace your differences and be who GOD made you to be, not society.