Big Blind

Last weekend, I learned how to play poker. I want to apologize ahead of time to all ladies, for I exemplified every reason women should not be allowed to play poker. I talked, asked too many questions, I was nosey. But why should I just throw away my cards? What's everyone else's hand? How can he just win that without showing us his cards, what if mine were higher or whatever? For lent I gave up participating in gossip, I didn't think it was that big of a problem but I am a girl so I knew there was always room for improvement. In the beginning, I had a hard time defining what was actually gossip and what was just conversation. I lived by Colossians 3:17 and  2 Timothy 2:16. I tried to justify my story telling and listening or caught myself stopping in mid-sentence, realizing this wasn't honoring to God. It sucked, but I found myself talking to God more and I guess that's the whole point of fasting from things, so it served its purpose. In Texas HoldEm you're given two cards, from the beginning you bet whether your cards are better than your competitors, once everyone has bet you turn over 3 cards the first round, and then one and one more the next rounds trying to make the most out of the two cards in your hand and 3 other cards on the table. The problem is, you don't know anyone else's hand. You only know the hand you were dealt. As each round went, my curiosity grew and I wondered what cards they were dealt. Sometimes they tell you, out of bribery or carelessness, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just don't tell you and you'll never know what was going on on the other end. God asked me to do something earlier this year that was totally out of my comfort zone and, like gossiping, I tried to justify my not doing it. I tweaked his question and talked myself out of it a million and two times, I talked to all of my closest friends about it and all of them agreed that God's reasoning for me to do it was greater than any make believe reason I could think of not to do it. I've mentioned before the guy from tpx camp who goes to MSU as well, God wanted me to tell him that he impacted my walk 4 years ago and how. After months of chickening out, today I did it. I had so many fears of what might be his response but I reminded myself that God does not give us a spirit of timidity. Most of the time he looked at me like I was crazy but I knew if it seems I'm crazy it is to bring glory to God. At the end of our conversation all I wanted to do is ask to see his hand. What cards were he dealt? Why is God asking me to go all in? I don't know, may not ever know. I'm just one domino that allowed God create whatever chain reaction is in store. I did what He wanted me to do and even though it may drive me crazy not knowing His will and having blind faith, it's a bet I'm willing to take any day. 

What Would Jesus Do

Today, at church, in honor of Palm Sunday, we talked about Jesus.
As you may know, Jesus is the man who came to earth and saved the world of its sin, because God so loved the world and because Jesus, who came into the world yet was not of the world...and the rest. This year, God's shown me Jesus' death in a different light; I know that Jesus died for my sins and I know because of His great love with which He loved us I have been given grace and hope and the Holy Spirit, but that's not all.
This year,God's shown me how much more childlike my faith has to be. Unlike most college students who are trying to gain independence, I need to be even more dependent on God. And that that first starts with obedience.
When I think of Jesus, I think of this man in a big, white robe with a glowing aura, who never joked and was never clumsy, who never had a bad hair day or who ever farted, but odds are Jesus did all of the above. The guy is the light of the world; He was the man of the hour, He lit up a room with His contagious personality. Jesus was human, or God in the flesh, so He had something on me, but still--He was human, just like me.
And like me, Jesus was dependent on God, He was obedient to His will. Jesus fed 5,000; He turned water in to wine, He walked on water, but Jesus was able to do all of this because of His faith in God. I'm sure Jesus wasn't ecstatic knowing that He was going to be beaten, embarrassed, ridiculed, and killed for the sake of all of our behalf, but He did it because God asked Him to. Jesus died, not only for us, but for God. God asked Him to, He was obedient. In the same way, God asks for our obedience.
I think it's harder for me to grasp the resurrection because I know the end of the story, I know Jesus beats death and I'm the fruit of that, but to live that faith now is so much harder because as humans, we wants to know what we're expecting.
I know I never lived to see Jesus feed the 5,000 or watch Him walk on water, but I was there to see Joey Butler remain faithful to God and our church after he was told about his cancer and life expectancy, I was there to witness to the Sterling's obedience to God when He asked them to adopt five kids from Peru, and I got to see those 5 fruits that came from that obedience. I never got to taste that water that was turned into wine but I was able to watch my dad, Doug Benjamin and Joe Maloney submit to God's calling on their lives and start a bible study within a prison. But if it wasn't for their willingness to put all of their faith into God, nothing would've happened. Lives wouldn't have been changed, lives wouldn't have been saved. We all must take up our own cross.
Even in His humaness, Jesus was faithful and obedient to God's will, so who am I to flee from the goodness of God that is completing His will?

Is there Chipotle in Heaven?

Last week, I did something rather embarrassing--even for me.
It was Wednesday, which is known to be a very busy day for me. I have three classes back to back and then an hour break before my fourth and final class of the day. I had woken up late (10:30 AM) and didn't get a chance to get breakfast before my class that started in 15 minutes, a dangerous combination on these days already because of how scarce my time is to eat, but I battled through and didn't even notice my hunger until my second class around noon. I was on Twitter reading through my timeline and someone mentioned Chipotle.
"Oh that sounds good," said Alyssa's conscious. Nothing new, Alyssa's conscious always thought Chipotle sounded good. Then someone else mentioned Chipotle.
"Wow, when was the last time I've had Chipotle," Alyssa's stomach growled. I knew I didn't have time to get Chipotle on a Wednesday anyways; plus, in my rush to get ready, I forgot to put my contacts in. Even if I wanted Chipotle I wouldn't be able to get it because I'd be driving six blocks visually impaired.
Six blocks. The more I thought about it, the more my stomach growled. I had my wallet in my backpack, that never happened: sign. Google Maps said it would only take 22 minutes to get there, times two, I still had 16 minutes to eat it stationary: sign. As my second class got out and I was headed to my third class before my hour break, I contemplated how badly I truly wanted Chipotle. Nope. No question, at the end of this class in Strong I would walk all the way across campus to get to National--the equivalent to 7 highway to y'all Blue Springs folks--and get Chipotle, luckily my friend agreed to go with me. Class got out and I ran.
I looked like a running back going through the middle heading towards the end zone as I ran through students on campus. Spin to the left, a juke to the right. I ran my way through campus until I made it to National, six more blocks to go.
It was then when I realized my visuals were still necessary. The entire trek to Chipotle was blessed with beautiful weather and I had the green light at each intersection. My contacts didn't matter the closer I got, because Chipotle got clearer by each stride. I finally got to Chipotle and ordered what I wanted and started my journey back. I made it there in 18 minutes, Google Maps.
It was back in my dorm when I found just enough extra time to play one song on Guitar Hero that I turned to my friend and said, "You know, that Chipotle was good, but not nearly as satisfying as God."
I'm at a point in my life right now that even Chipotle can't satisfy. God provides and He is worth more than anything this world has to offer me.
I've done some pretty insane things to get a Chipotle burrito, but how often did I run up busy streets towards things God desires for my life? There's been so many times God leaves my wallet in my backpack, gives me all the green lights and beautiful weather to run towards something he's prepared for me. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm running towards, but the closer I get the clearer it becomes. Is my desire for what the Lord wants for me stronger than my own desires? Is it even close to as fulfilling? Let me run with arms sprawling towards the desires of God. Towards the desires that have become my own.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Doppelgänger

So in my crippled state, my friend and I have found a new obsession with celebrity doppelgängers. This requires much less physical effort than long boarding or tennis but it is just as addictive. I found out that I go to school with a Jennifer Lawrence, Selina Gomez, a Josh Harnett and Arnold from The Magic School Bus. When you tell people they look like someone famous it's nothing shy of a compliment that's usually followed by rosy cheeks and a suppressed smile that tries to decline any physical resemblance to such a person. 

Growing up I was always told I look just like my older brother, which is not what a little sister wants to hear-especially a young lady-ever. But in my later age I started taking it as a compliment. My brother is one of my biggest heroes and someone closest to me who I spend a lot of time with. Because of this, we act alike, sound alike, have similar-polite-etiquette and do share a lot of devilish good looks. 

My sister-in-law swears I look like Bristol Palin, my aunt says Jennifer Love Hewitt, but who I most want to be mistaken as is Jesus. I mean, right? In my action and my speech I want people to confuse me for Jesus. How I love, show respect and gentleness, I want to look like Jesus. How I serve I want to be mistaken as Jesus, how I control myself and how I show patiences. If I'm spending enough time with God, my action, my speech, my etiquette, all of that should resemble Christ Jesus. Now, in the cheesy closing of this entry I give you these passages to chew on; I mean, you are what you eat. . .

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,  but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself  and became obedient to death–  even death on a cross!  Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,  that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,  and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."(Philippians 2:4-11 NIV84)

We know that  our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. (Romans 6:6 ESV)

Do not be conformed to this world,  but be transformed by  the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may  discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2 ESV)

If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.  Either way, Christ’s love controls us.  Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.    He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:13-17 NLT)

Speed Wobbles

This past Monday my friend and I took advantage of the beautiful weather and played some tennis in between classes. We had an hour to play because of our schedules, but realized we both only had one class on Tuesdays. Tuesday was just as beautiful as Monday, if not better. We brought our tennis rackets, our hackey sacks and our long boards and mapped out our day of fun, scheduling it perfectly to fit in all of our favorite hobbies equally. First was tennis and then long boarding followed by some hackey sack.
It should be stated that each of us get minorly obsessed with different activities and train ourselves to be the best until the next outdoor obsession comes along. Long boarding has been in the training stage for awhile now. On a trail in a park we were going down a hill when I hit speed wobbles and my long board started shaking back and forth because of how fast I was going. I knew I had to bail because of the sharp turn at the end of the hill but I didn't know how to go for it. I ended up just jumping straight off and planned I would just run it off but I was going to fast to keep up with the speed and ended up sliding in to the pavement like a baseball player would slide into home. I stood up to find my skin on the ground and blood running down my leg, ankles, palms and elbow. I walked it off and sent myself home to study for the bio test that was Wednesday.
After my bio test I had one more class, which I planned on skipping but decided not to. I should've skipped that class because I ended up passing out in the middle of it because I was in so much pain from my leg. My teacher made me go to the doctor on campus and there she told me I had bad road rash on my left leg and had pulled a ligament in my right hip. She prescribed me pain medication that would play a crucial role in my healing process.
Whenever I take my pain medication it doesn't take much after that to get me talking. I will talk about anything and even though I knew I was saying it all I couldn't really control how the words actually came out. I turned out to be more blunt than I usually was and more brave to say and do what I wanted because I was crippled and could just blame it on my limp leg or the medication.
But being stuck in a bed all week when you're not on those pain pills really gets you thinking, like shower thinking. "What will my husband look like?" "Will I age well?" "Do people in China Gangnam Style?" "Is this thing gonna scar?" "Why can't this just play out like I want it to? If not this, what does God want from me?"
There is a guy I see on my way to the class I fainted in that whom I only know by first name from years ago. He was in my small group at a TPX camp one year and he said something small but profound that has stuck with me ever since. His comment shaped my life and I told myself then, and multiple more times when I was in high school that if I ever got the opportunity, I would thank him for his encouragment. I haven't yet.
If God doesn't want me to date the boy in my English class or long board around campus, then what does He want from me? He wants me to tell the guy I see every Monday, Wednesday and Friday thank you for showing me one of my spiritual gifts. He wants me to allow the Holy Spirit be responsible for my word vomit rather than my pain pills (which aren't addictive so you guys don't have to worry about me, by the way). He wants me to stop pursuing the things He's put in my life and start pursuing Him. To allow Him to take the reigns and show me the next thing He has prepared for me.

Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, "This is the way you should go," whether it is to the right or to the left. (Isaiah 30:21 NLT)

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls. (Hebrews 10:39)

Pinterest, Facebook, and Affirmative Action

I’m sitting in the Student Union doing research for a persuasive speech about banning Affirmative Action in college admissions that’s due next week, not because I’m on top of my work, but because it’s the only work I have. With finals less than two weeks away I can feel the stress building from the work I’ll have this time next week. So, for now I kill time researching Pinterest, my Facebook friends and Affirmative Action.

As I finally buckle down on this speech I find myself staring at a blank word document and a sudden belief in reverse discrimination. The smell of Panda Express and the lack of feeling in my butt tells me I should quit working on this speech and come back to it tomorrow—just like yesterday and the day before. While I’m distracted by the taste of imaginary orange chicken in my mouth, I meet eyes with a guy listening intently to his peer. As the guy was Asian, I sort of assumed it was some type of language helping situation. That was until I realize what they’re discussing. In the hands on his peer is a little blue booklet, a booklet I’ve seen before.

When CRU made the videos of our stories for the campus to watch, they gave each of us three soul-saving pamphlets, intended for those who have questions about Jesus. I saw this a as a joke at the time. I was being brave enough wearing the same shirt for a week and posting my testimony about how God found me that I had no plans on sharing a pocket-sized picture book with some stranger. It was then when I realize the peer is a boy I’ve seen at CRU, a boy whose video I watched. He sits patiently explaining the pictures and story line and openly shares his story with the young man when he has questions arise.

For the first time all week I felt calm. I no longer was consumed with what stress will be on my shoulders next week or what I need to say to persuade my audience, but what beautiful work God had planned for that boy; what beautiful work he had planned for me. So until He tells me what that is, I guess I should get back to this speech.

Jesus didn't die for you

For as long as I can rememer I've been told about the love Jesus has for me. It's been ingrained in my head that Jesus died for my sins, that He knows how many hairs are on my head, how many freckles on my face, and what time I'll wake up tomorrow morning as well as every morning of my remaining waking days--all of which I don't know the answers to. For as long as I can remember I've been told that Jesus did all these things for me.
Yes, Jesus died for MY sins, He loves ME but I'm sure He love you also; you're sins are forgiven because of His sacrificial death and even though Jesus did these things for our sake, He first and foremost did them because it was the will of God; because God asked Him to take on the sins of the world, He did it in obedience of the Lord. Jesus was a human, just like me and you, who did what was asked of Him.
I am saved by the grace of God. I am loved by the creator of the sun and lightbulb, the designer of oceans and puddles, the maker of rocks and iPads. He loves ME!
All too often I only focus on what God has to offer me, but I am not a follower of Christ solely because of what He continues to do for me. My faith is not based around the fact that God, the one who breathes life into the trees, can do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine. Why is it so easy for me to remember during tests or hardships that God is there for me, but when I'm sitting outside wrapped in the warmth of the sun I forget that He is the one who created that?
My relationship with God can be so much like going out to eat. I do it when there's no food at home, only when I have to. All I have to do is ask for the food and the server will make sure it's prepared for me, fill my drink when it's low and brings me the food, warm when it's ready. I can never leave a restaurant without tipping the server, but how many times does God provide for me and I give Him less than 20 percent gratuity?
I've been to the point in my faith for a while that I no longer have to ask WWJD because I know what He expects of me. Now, I've gotten to the point that I don't even care what Jesus would do because I'm too distracted by all the wonderful things God's allowing me do that will forever impact His Kingdom. Just as Jesus was obedient to God, we should be also. I'm sure none of you are being asked to be publically humiliated, beaten, and killed with the pressure of the world's salvation on your back, but as His followers, God's asking something of each and every one of us. I no longer think I have to drown myself in His grace, constantly trying to clean myself up for my Savior, but I am forever trying to repay Him. Seven times seventy times what He's given to me. So I submit myself, then to God; I reach out, I have those awkward, Christ-centered conversations, I allow myself to talk freely about what He's doing in my life. And in return, I'm handed broken stories, hurt hearts and eager ears that want to know about attention deficit joy. Yes, Jesus died for me, He loves ME! So, how can I just sit here and not let everyone know about this freedom that is only found in Christ?
"And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled awith the fruit of rightousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."