Anyone from Kansas City can relate to my struggle of team loyalty. As a Loyal Royal and a member of Chiefs Nation, some seasons I've had to put in more effort than I got out, but that's what devotion looks like.
To earn understanding and respect for the Chiefs, you must first see some of their past. To make this as simple as possible, I'll talk only about their past season records.
In 2010, the Chiefs finished the season with a 10-6 record, meaning they won 10 games of the 16 they played. That was a tremendous improvement from their 2009 season, where they finished with a 4-12 record. But it was kind of all downhill from there. In 2011, they only won 7 of their 16 games and last year, in 2012, the Chiefs ended their season 2-14. That means they won 2 games out of the 16 they played. Two games. The Chiefs tied for the worst record of the season and lost all chances of making it to the playoffs by week 12 of the regular season. Though they tied for the worst record, statistically speaking, the Chiefs were the worst team in the NFL.
As fans, we've watched this franchise hire and fire coaches, trade players, break players, heal players, and lose players. Yet as fans, we were ecstatic about qualifying for the first pick in the 2013 NFL draft, we still wore the jerseys of injured players, we saluted Reid and respected Dorsey as they came to our rescue this season. Because as fans, all we truly want is to see our team do well.
After talking to one of my good friends Megan Armstrong, who broke down the coaching and the Chiefs' success, the how is more clear. How did the Chiefs come from the worst team in the NFL to the top of the AFC West, having the best record in football? This season every defensive player is ranked in the top 15 of his position, yet not much change to the roster from last season. The talent was there, what their defense lacked was the guidance. The team had no sense of family, no reason for unity. We look at players like Alex Smith who needed a fresh start from San Francisco, or even head coach Andy Reid who needed a new beginning after Philadelphia.
Specifically, quarterback Alex Smith isn't outstanding on his own, he doesn't have a cannon for an arm or the most delicate long ball. But Reid still saw potential in him and needed Smith for his vision for the Chiefs. Jamaal Charles hasn't ran nearly as many yards as his previous seasons with the Chiefs, but has high, if not the highest fantasy value of running backs.
I don't write this to express my strong feelings for the Chiefs and Kansas City pride. I don't write this to get you excited about average players under good leadership. I write this because with every play I watch, every article I read, statistic thrown at me, with every press conference I tune into, I see God's provision in my own life. I'm just an average quarterback with a good offensive coordinator. With teammates around me playing their position in the Body of Christ to make up a winning team. And as a fan, I see my brother's and sister's in Christ fail from time to time again, yet I root for their success and I'm still standing next to them when they're back on their peaks and I'll be there for them when they're back in the valleys.
God has a plan for us. But only if we're willing to let Him use our talents can He use us for His glory. Only if we're willing to walk blindly onto His waters, only if we're willing to accept the trade to a new city. To get over the pain of not being good enough in the world's standards, can we be made strong by His measure. God has a vision if you have the passion.
Guys, God uses sub par, average people for extraordinary things, but only if you're listening, only if you let Him.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
I'm just a donkey
There's an ongoing joke in my house that I'm the good kid; the "Tebow" of the family. I'm the one with the answers on "how to pray" and what bible verse is applicable to whichever situation. Almost every bible reference conversation with directed to me starts with, "Now, I'm sure you know this better than I do, Sis, but in the bible it says. . ." Those factors have played two huge, totally different roles in my walk. They've fed both my insecurities and my pride.
In high school, it was a huge pressure to be the Tebow of the family. I just wanted my siblings and peers to look at me like a normal teenager. So I tried to run from my spiritual calling and went out and made some dumb decisions to bring my suburban street cred up. These things never really got me on my parents' bad side--that was kind of annoying--but instead, my parents did an almost too good of job at showing Christ through their parenting, for they never once condemned me for my faults. They were surely disappointed, which is always worse, but they protected me. They established their authority, but they gave me grace and love all the same.
Now, those dumb decisions didn't get the same response from others. The devil fed me lies that I wasn't good enough to be back in God's graces. That these people would always be there judging me and my walk and I might as well just give up.
But was I seeking the approval of man or of God? Or was I trying to please people? If that's the case, I wouldn't be a servant for the Lord.
Galatians 1:10 was constantly being rehearsed in my head, because I constantly had to remind myself that those other people didn't matter, I wasn't a people pleaser, I was a servant of Christ. I was a carrier, an ambassador of His good news and He would use my story to bring Him glory.
Years removed from that part of my walk, I find myself stuck on the other end of that spectrum. I'm not being fed the lies that I'm not good enough, it's the lies that I'm too good. What's the point of memorizing more scripture if I already have so much memorized as it is? Why would I read more of my Bible if I've already heard all those stories and know how they end? My parents think my walk is more than sufficient, why go overboard?
There's a story in Matthew (21:1-11) about "The Triumphal Entry" when Jesus comes into Jerusalem on a donkey and the crowds are stoked about seeing their Savior come. The crowds shout, "Hosanna in the highest!" for Jesus, the Son of God, the salvation that they've been waiting for is finally in front of them. Like, people are going crazy. The passage even says they laid their cloaks and branches on the road for Jesus and his donkey, so he wouldn't have to even step on the dirt below Him.
I always knew this story as Palm Sunday, the Sunday before Easter. I never thought much of it until I heard it in new light during one Palm Sunday church service.
What if the donkey thought all this commotion was for him?
What if the donkey saw the crowds yelling to Hosanna in the highest, dropping their cloaks to the ground and thought it was all for him, the donkey? When in all actuality, the donkey's sole purpose is to fulfill prophecy, to carry the message that the Savior has come.
I tend to forget that no praise and glory is for me, I'm just a reflector of His majesty. I don't need the praise and glory, in fact, I have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. I tend to forget the other side of Galatians 1:10. That I'm not seeking the approval of man, but of God. Pleasing people will get me no where, but giving God all the glory is one of the few heavenly gifts we here on earth are blessed to participate in. I'm nothing more than a donkey carrying the good news that the Savior has come.
My pride may get to me and my insecurities may be fed, but I'm only human. I have one of two choices: I can sit in my misery and remind myself how sinful and undeserving I am, or I can quit insulting God and His work and praise Him for the life He has designed for me. I've spent much time in both of those areas, and let me tell you, the latter is much more liberating.
Galatians 1:10 ESV
For am I know seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Romans 7:21-25a NLT
I have discovered this principle of life--that when I do what is right, I inevitable do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.
In high school, it was a huge pressure to be the Tebow of the family. I just wanted my siblings and peers to look at me like a normal teenager. So I tried to run from my spiritual calling and went out and made some dumb decisions to bring my suburban street cred up. These things never really got me on my parents' bad side--that was kind of annoying--but instead, my parents did an almost too good of job at showing Christ through their parenting, for they never once condemned me for my faults. They were surely disappointed, which is always worse, but they protected me. They established their authority, but they gave me grace and love all the same.
Now, those dumb decisions didn't get the same response from others. The devil fed me lies that I wasn't good enough to be back in God's graces. That these people would always be there judging me and my walk and I might as well just give up.
But was I seeking the approval of man or of God? Or was I trying to please people? If that's the case, I wouldn't be a servant for the Lord.
Galatians 1:10 was constantly being rehearsed in my head, because I constantly had to remind myself that those other people didn't matter, I wasn't a people pleaser, I was a servant of Christ. I was a carrier, an ambassador of His good news and He would use my story to bring Him glory.
Years removed from that part of my walk, I find myself stuck on the other end of that spectrum. I'm not being fed the lies that I'm not good enough, it's the lies that I'm too good. What's the point of memorizing more scripture if I already have so much memorized as it is? Why would I read more of my Bible if I've already heard all those stories and know how they end? My parents think my walk is more than sufficient, why go overboard?
There's a story in Matthew (21:1-11) about "The Triumphal Entry" when Jesus comes into Jerusalem on a donkey and the crowds are stoked about seeing their Savior come. The crowds shout, "Hosanna in the highest!" for Jesus, the Son of God, the salvation that they've been waiting for is finally in front of them. Like, people are going crazy. The passage even says they laid their cloaks and branches on the road for Jesus and his donkey, so he wouldn't have to even step on the dirt below Him.
I always knew this story as Palm Sunday, the Sunday before Easter. I never thought much of it until I heard it in new light during one Palm Sunday church service.
What if the donkey thought all this commotion was for him?
What if the donkey saw the crowds yelling to Hosanna in the highest, dropping their cloaks to the ground and thought it was all for him, the donkey? When in all actuality, the donkey's sole purpose is to fulfill prophecy, to carry the message that the Savior has come.
I tend to forget that no praise and glory is for me, I'm just a reflector of His majesty. I don't need the praise and glory, in fact, I have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. I tend to forget the other side of Galatians 1:10. That I'm not seeking the approval of man, but of God. Pleasing people will get me no where, but giving God all the glory is one of the few heavenly gifts we here on earth are blessed to participate in. I'm nothing more than a donkey carrying the good news that the Savior has come.
My pride may get to me and my insecurities may be fed, but I'm only human. I have one of two choices: I can sit in my misery and remind myself how sinful and undeserving I am, or I can quit insulting God and His work and praise Him for the life He has designed for me. I've spent much time in both of those areas, and let me tell you, the latter is much more liberating.
Galatians 1:10 ESV
For am I know seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Romans 7:21-25a NLT
I have discovered this principle of life--that when I do what is right, I inevitable do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.
Monday, September 30, 2013
The Fab Five
I am consistently and constantly blessed by the sisters-in-Christ I'm so lucky to call my best friends.
Logan, Selina, Samantha and Olivia have been some of my closest friends since my journey with God began and these past few months have been milestones on our journey together. The "Fab Five," is not only the name of our newest album release (kidding), but what we refer to ourselves when listing all of our names becomes too tedious to further conversation. Not only because Fabulous is one of the few words that truly encapsulate all of our personalities, but mostly because it's the first 4th grade alliteration that came to our mind when labeling the group of us became, well, necessary. Kind of like the Pink Ladies from Grease, but with much less hair spray and cigarettes.
Our friendship started at the church, but wasn't always Christ-centered. We all had our stories and personally, I thought I would never be able to tell them my whole story, because then I'd be the weakest link, I would be less of Christian whom Christ wasted His grace on and they had no struggles. We had all been told we were flawless in God's eyes, but none of us really believed it. If we did, we'd have been willing to share that with each other. We'd be willing to share our "salads."
I sat there one night and said to them, "I want to be able to tell Logan if I'm eating too much salad. And I want Logan to be able to call me and say, 'hey, Alyssa, you're eating too much salad, so stop because that's sinful.'" It turned out we were all craving that accountability. From that talk and because of it, I know the inward parts of those girls. I know their deepest struggles, I know their greatest redemptions and I know there are girls in every corner of Missouri, even over the world, praying for me and fighting for me.
With Selina in the Dominican Republic studying abroad, Samantha an RA at her school, Olivia getting in to her music and Logan building relationships back home, it should be harder to communicate with one another, and it is at times, but I've talked to these girls more in the past month this semester than all year last year. I wouldn't say our conversations are longer, but now they have a purpose driven behind them.
Our conversations are God-focused because we are God-focused. And the accountability that we offer to each other is there because each of us genuinely have that love of Christ for each of them. I want to see them succeed.
I've fallen on my face, I've eaten dirt from the shoes of my sins, but when I was on the ground I had four girls next to me planted firm who were pulling me up. I cannot stress how important accountability is, because I know if it weren't for these girls I wouldn't be here.
We've had seasons in our life of planting and growing. I know if it weren't for the women in our life who walked before us, we wouldn't be where we are. If it weren't for Lauren Sterling, Amy V, Crystal Kratzer, Meagan Truax and so many other influential women in our lives who kept us accountable and poured into us, who made disciples out of us, we wouldn't be in the season of life that we are in.
I share this with you as encouragement, to share with you this awesome season of harvest we five are in right now. And as a reminder that it didn't happen over night, we labored, we labored hard but God delivers, He keeps His promises and provides. But in this race we are running, we need to find those running partners, those coaches who desire our new creation as much as God does.
One Love.
Hebrews 3:13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'Today,' so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Galatians 6:9
Do not become weary when doing good, for at a proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.
Logan, Selina, Samantha and Olivia have been some of my closest friends since my journey with God began and these past few months have been milestones on our journey together. The "Fab Five," is not only the name of our newest album release (kidding), but what we refer to ourselves when listing all of our names becomes too tedious to further conversation. Not only because Fabulous is one of the few words that truly encapsulate all of our personalities, but mostly because it's the first 4th grade alliteration that came to our mind when labeling the group of us became, well, necessary. Kind of like the Pink Ladies from Grease, but with much less hair spray and cigarettes.
Our friendship started at the church, but wasn't always Christ-centered. We all had our stories and personally, I thought I would never be able to tell them my whole story, because then I'd be the weakest link, I would be less of Christian whom Christ wasted His grace on and they had no struggles. We had all been told we were flawless in God's eyes, but none of us really believed it. If we did, we'd have been willing to share that with each other. We'd be willing to share our "salads."
I sat there one night and said to them, "I want to be able to tell Logan if I'm eating too much salad. And I want Logan to be able to call me and say, 'hey, Alyssa, you're eating too much salad, so stop because that's sinful.'" It turned out we were all craving that accountability. From that talk and because of it, I know the inward parts of those girls. I know their deepest struggles, I know their greatest redemptions and I know there are girls in every corner of Missouri, even over the world, praying for me and fighting for me.
With Selina in the Dominican Republic studying abroad, Samantha an RA at her school, Olivia getting in to her music and Logan building relationships back home, it should be harder to communicate with one another, and it is at times, but I've talked to these girls more in the past month this semester than all year last year. I wouldn't say our conversations are longer, but now they have a purpose driven behind them.
Our conversations are God-focused because we are God-focused. And the accountability that we offer to each other is there because each of us genuinely have that love of Christ for each of them. I want to see them succeed.
I've fallen on my face, I've eaten dirt from the shoes of my sins, but when I was on the ground I had four girls next to me planted firm who were pulling me up. I cannot stress how important accountability is, because I know if it weren't for these girls I wouldn't be here.
We've had seasons in our life of planting and growing. I know if it weren't for the women in our life who walked before us, we wouldn't be where we are. If it weren't for Lauren Sterling, Amy V, Crystal Kratzer, Meagan Truax and so many other influential women in our lives who kept us accountable and poured into us, who made disciples out of us, we wouldn't be in the season of life that we are in.
I share this with you as encouragement, to share with you this awesome season of harvest we five are in right now. And as a reminder that it didn't happen over night, we labored, we labored hard but God delivers, He keeps His promises and provides. But in this race we are running, we need to find those running partners, those coaches who desire our new creation as much as God does.
One Love.
Hebrews 3:13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'Today,' so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Galatians 6:9
Do not become weary when doing good, for at a proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.
Monday, September 9, 2013
If Grace is an Ocean
I feel like I talk about grace a lot, but I think that's because it's one of God's aspects I don't fully understand.
This weekend was rough. It all unraveled last night, so let me give you the timeline of this so you can even more clearly see the promises of faith.
•6:30 went on a drive with my friend and sister in Christ and I opened up to her about what poor excuse I am of a disciple of Christ.
•7:00 came back home to sulk in my misery, while I allowed the enemy feed me lies.
•7:15 sat down with my computer and wrote four stanzas that came from my hurt, my purpose and my faith
•7:34 sent Olivia an email of those stanzas, a debrief of where they came from and a hope that it was useful material for her to put to music and make a song of.
•7:36 continued to sulk in my misery, now debriefing to a roommate of my worthless existence.
•8:00 God started moving
My 8:00 time slot was mostly flooded with my roommate talking me into God's grace for the next hour or so. As I read to her some of my spoken word poetry and lyrics I had sent Olivia, she told me that's how God uses me, but even while I was still reluctant, I knew she was speaking some truth.
•9:17 a friend came over to hang out.
•9:29 Olivia called me. "Hey, I have the layout the way I want it. Let me play you what I've gotten so far."
For the next 40 minutes Olivia and I were able to talk about God's molding in our lives. How we've changed because of Him and how we can lift one another up in prayer and praise.
•10:08 came back to the living room and read some of my spoken word to our guest who had come over. I can't even tell you why I did it, but I could see in her eyes it's exactly what I was supposed to be doing. He was reminding me that He wants me, that He fought for me.
Every single day, God drenches me with His grace and every single day I fail him. I'm a sinful, jacked up, useless excuse of a human being, but that's the thing. God uses that, He wants that. He refines us by His fire, He molds is into a new creation and because of His grace even sinful, jacked up, useless excuses like me can be used for everlasting work!
I still don't fully understand God's grace and know that I never truly will. I just know I can't be so focused about what the devil is doing to manipulate me than what God's doing to get my attention. For we are not those who shrink back and are destroyed. God wants us as we are right now.
This weekend was rough. It all unraveled last night, so let me give you the timeline of this so you can even more clearly see the promises of faith.
•6:30 went on a drive with my friend and sister in Christ and I opened up to her about what poor excuse I am of a disciple of Christ.
•7:00 came back home to sulk in my misery, while I allowed the enemy feed me lies.
•7:15 sat down with my computer and wrote four stanzas that came from my hurt, my purpose and my faith
•7:34 sent Olivia an email of those stanzas, a debrief of where they came from and a hope that it was useful material for her to put to music and make a song of.
•7:36 continued to sulk in my misery, now debriefing to a roommate of my worthless existence.
•8:00 God started moving
My 8:00 time slot was mostly flooded with my roommate talking me into God's grace for the next hour or so. As I read to her some of my spoken word poetry and lyrics I had sent Olivia, she told me that's how God uses me, but even while I was still reluctant, I knew she was speaking some truth.
•9:17 a friend came over to hang out.
•9:29 Olivia called me. "Hey, I have the layout the way I want it. Let me play you what I've gotten so far."
For the next 40 minutes Olivia and I were able to talk about God's molding in our lives. How we've changed because of Him and how we can lift one another up in prayer and praise.
•10:08 came back to the living room and read some of my spoken word to our guest who had come over. I can't even tell you why I did it, but I could see in her eyes it's exactly what I was supposed to be doing. He was reminding me that He wants me, that He fought for me.
Every single day, God drenches me with His grace and every single day I fail him. I'm a sinful, jacked up, useless excuse of a human being, but that's the thing. God uses that, He wants that. He refines us by His fire, He molds is into a new creation and because of His grace even sinful, jacked up, useless excuses like me can be used for everlasting work!
I still don't fully understand God's grace and know that I never truly will. I just know I can't be so focused about what the devil is doing to manipulate me than what God's doing to get my attention. For we are not those who shrink back and are destroyed. God wants us as we are right now.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Free At Last
In honor of the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech I decided to tune in and listen to it. I've heard it before, but in every season of life everything I've once heard speaks to me in a new and different way.
This past summer I went home, when I had friends all across the US and the world acting on God's will for their life. Some were more local working at camps in Missouri, a couple were in Florida doing a discipleship program and a few were international spreading God's word and His love. I was kind of bummed, because I wanted to be doing something cool like that for God's Kingdom, but then I realized that I was sent back to Blue Springs, Missouri to do something cool for God's Kingdom. I wasn't sent home to be lazy or take a break, so my summer was surrounded by seeking God's desire for me and His plan for my life.
One of my favorite things about MLK is that he was first and foremost a man of God. Even Wikipedia--which is a reputable source, I don't care who says otherwise--lists MLK as an American clergyman first. His desire for freedom and justice was God's will on his heart. King wasn't doing it out of selfish ambition, but he was living out God's plan for his life. He was the mouthpiece of the Body, and what people tend to forget is that he had a mentor. He had someone pour into him, who, for the most part, remains nameless. Most people couldn't name any one of the men who mentored and discipled King.
Not everyone's role is the main stage, like MLK's was, but we all have one. No matter where we are in our walk, God has a desire for us to do something huge and change the world. We're all just one domino and if we don't "fall" into God's will the dominoes after us won't be moved.
The entire time I was watching MLK's speech, all I could think about was how proud God must've been to see one of His creations follow His will for him. And how, if it wasn't for MLK's obedience my domino wouldn't have been knocked over by watching the speech, thus this blog wouldn't have been written! Ah, I could go on and on about the dominoes King was apart of because of his obedience to the Father, but that's why. It's because he stepped up and stepped out of himself and allowed God to use him in whatever way God needed him. And Thank God Almighty we are all free to do the same.
This past summer I went home, when I had friends all across the US and the world acting on God's will for their life. Some were more local working at camps in Missouri, a couple were in Florida doing a discipleship program and a few were international spreading God's word and His love. I was kind of bummed, because I wanted to be doing something cool like that for God's Kingdom, but then I realized that I was sent back to Blue Springs, Missouri to do something cool for God's Kingdom. I wasn't sent home to be lazy or take a break, so my summer was surrounded by seeking God's desire for me and His plan for my life.
One of my favorite things about MLK is that he was first and foremost a man of God. Even Wikipedia--which is a reputable source, I don't care who says otherwise--lists MLK as an American clergyman first. His desire for freedom and justice was God's will on his heart. King wasn't doing it out of selfish ambition, but he was living out God's plan for his life. He was the mouthpiece of the Body, and what people tend to forget is that he had a mentor. He had someone pour into him, who, for the most part, remains nameless. Most people couldn't name any one of the men who mentored and discipled King.
Not everyone's role is the main stage, like MLK's was, but we all have one. No matter where we are in our walk, God has a desire for us to do something huge and change the world. We're all just one domino and if we don't "fall" into God's will the dominoes after us won't be moved.
The entire time I was watching MLK's speech, all I could think about was how proud God must've been to see one of His creations follow His will for him. And how, if it wasn't for MLK's obedience my domino wouldn't have been knocked over by watching the speech, thus this blog wouldn't have been written! Ah, I could go on and on about the dominoes King was apart of because of his obedience to the Father, but that's why. It's because he stepped up and stepped out of himself and allowed God to use him in whatever way God needed him. And Thank God Almighty we are all free to do the same.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Why should I become a Christian
Today, I caught myself stuck in some writers block, writing a poem themed "burn the ships" and when I was on the last stanza, I realized how much it sucked. I knew that when we became Christians we were called to die to ourselves, but why? "Why should I become a Christian." Again, stuck in writer's block, I did something I'm not proud: I searched Google for the answer.
Like all 21st century dilemmas, I went to the internet for the answer; but unfortunately, like most answers found on the internet, there is no one, clear answer. So, instead of looking outside of myself for the answer, I decided to start from scratch and focus on our place in Christianity, rather than God's purpose.
When I became a believer, I did it for my own sake. I didn't want to burn in Hell. I didn't want to die an unsure death and have the bitter unknown take me in as its own. I wasn't fleeing from my sin, I didn't do it because I hated sin, I did it because I loved myself.
Before I became a follower of Christ--and even now at times--a lot of my decisions were driven by how it would benefit me. I knew that if I said I believed in this God guy and didn't, like, kill anybody I'd have a ticket to Heaven. What I didn't know at that time was Heaven wasn't a buffet line of angel food cake and free puppies running around. Heaven is the meeting place with the creator of the world, a place where you're so in awe of whom you're in the presence of, you have no other option but to drop to your knees and worship Him. What I didn't know some 11 years ago when I asked Jesus into my heart, was Heaven wasn't a place we were waiting for, Heaven on earth started that day. God was ready to use me right then.
You should see my mom when we get her some stereotypical mom stuff, like a new dishwasher or cooking pan, vacuum. She's so excited, because she finally got what she needed to complete a job.
She could wash the dishes by hand, but that dishwasher was created to steam, clean and gleam. My mother's excitement doesn't even compare to God's excitement when He's finally able to use us the way He created us. It's at that point I know longer want to do things for my own glory, but for God's.
If the world's timeline was portrayed as a movie, most of us would just be a passing face in the background or a hand in the corner of the screen. Our time here on earth is so miniscule compared to the big book timeline of earth. A world created for God and His glory. I'm no longer asking for a leading role, I can't handle a leading role. If I were to step in front of the camera, I'd be cheating God of His glory. It's not about me.
The answer to Christianity conversion was answered by a six step reasoning, but when it comes down to it, you can't tell someone why. You have to show them. You have to live in obedience, discipline and love in Christ. Everything else should fall into God's story as you go.
Like all 21st century dilemmas, I went to the internet for the answer; but unfortunately, like most answers found on the internet, there is no one, clear answer. So, instead of looking outside of myself for the answer, I decided to start from scratch and focus on our place in Christianity, rather than God's purpose.
When I became a believer, I did it for my own sake. I didn't want to burn in Hell. I didn't want to die an unsure death and have the bitter unknown take me in as its own. I wasn't fleeing from my sin, I didn't do it because I hated sin, I did it because I loved myself.
Before I became a follower of Christ--and even now at times--a lot of my decisions were driven by how it would benefit me. I knew that if I said I believed in this God guy and didn't, like, kill anybody I'd have a ticket to Heaven. What I didn't know at that time was Heaven wasn't a buffet line of angel food cake and free puppies running around. Heaven is the meeting place with the creator of the world, a place where you're so in awe of whom you're in the presence of, you have no other option but to drop to your knees and worship Him. What I didn't know some 11 years ago when I asked Jesus into my heart, was Heaven wasn't a place we were waiting for, Heaven on earth started that day. God was ready to use me right then.
You should see my mom when we get her some stereotypical mom stuff, like a new dishwasher or cooking pan, vacuum. She's so excited, because she finally got what she needed to complete a job.
She could wash the dishes by hand, but that dishwasher was created to steam, clean and gleam. My mother's excitement doesn't even compare to God's excitement when He's finally able to use us the way He created us. It's at that point I know longer want to do things for my own glory, but for God's.
If the world's timeline was portrayed as a movie, most of us would just be a passing face in the background or a hand in the corner of the screen. Our time here on earth is so miniscule compared to the big book timeline of earth. A world created for God and His glory. I'm no longer asking for a leading role, I can't handle a leading role. If I were to step in front of the camera, I'd be cheating God of His glory. It's not about me.
The answer to Christianity conversion was answered by a six step reasoning, but when it comes down to it, you can't tell someone why. You have to show them. You have to live in obedience, discipline and love in Christ. Everything else should fall into God's story as you go.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Jamaica and Wedding Bells
This past week, I spent my time in Jamaica on a missions trip. I came in with these expectations of what I thought my week would look like, but as usual, God planned on showing me something completely different.
To everyone who doesn't already know, I don't exactly love children. Shocking, I'm sure, but the fact of the matter is, I'm not the #1 Babysitter. I've been told time and time again that "I'll never find a man if I keep doing (insert gross habit, immature humor, indepence, etc. here)." If God made me into this person, why would He want me to change to be with someone I've been told He's handpicked for me? I've made my intentions very clear about my future; my lack on interest in children and even marriage seem to surprise most women, but like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7, you don't have to get married. In fact, singleness is a gift and those who are single are able to do so much more for God, because they have the time to do so. Don't get me wrong, I have my selfish reasons to remain single; I'd prefer a corner office, loft in the city and vacation to Europe.
This past week, I was ready for God to show me I've been lazy or something, how to fix it and in the end, I'd be closer to Him because of it. Instead, while I built houses alongside Jamaicans, for whatever reason, God kept bringing children to mind. Every night, we had courtyard and Jamaicans were invited to come to the house and hang out with us. I met all kinds of people, but kept my focus on the adult women. The next day on the jobsite, God brought up my own nephews. I thought, God forbid, if anything were to ever happen to my brother or sister, I would be willing to help out with my nephews. Not single-handedly raise them, but I'd allow them come over to my place for an hour or so on Saturdays. I shared this with the group the next morning before we went out to our serving opportunities and I got some funny looks, I know it doesn't sound like much, but that's a step for me.
That day on the job, there was a little girl at the house I was working at. Her name was Gabi and she was about 7-years-old. She helped me shovel cement, dig marl and smooth the walls--or at least she tried. In all honesty, she was in the way. She kept throwing the cement in the wrong piles, was mixing up sifted marl with the unsifted and dented a few of the walls. I knew right at that moment I spoke too soon, that's it, only a half hour on Mondays for the nephews. I wasn't exactly nice to her, either, but for whatever reason, she liked me. She wouldn't leave me alone, always wanting to hold my hand and hugging me. Eventually I learned how to deal with it and I just talked to her like I would talk to an adult. She wasn't so bad, she just didn't know what she was doing, and I wasn't telling her to do otherwise. Yet, still, I made it very apparent I don't want kids, and told more people than I ever had I don't ever want to get married, usually out of context, too. I was trying to avoid whatever it was God was trying to tell me.
If you were to ask me, I'd tell you I gave the reins to God years ago. I've become content with the hand I've been dealt, but one thing God showed me this week is that I've misinterpreted some of the things He's promised me. That just because I want a corner office and peace of mind forever, just because that isn't conventional doesn't mean that's what He wants for me. I know the waiting list for those things are much shorter for young Christiain women, but that doesn't mean it's in my future, who knows, maybe it is. But as of now, I'm no longer preparing my heart for the life I had planned out, but preparing for today, because that's all that's promised to me.
To everyone who doesn't already know, I don't exactly love children. Shocking, I'm sure, but the fact of the matter is, I'm not the #1 Babysitter. I've been told time and time again that "I'll never find a man if I keep doing (insert gross habit, immature humor, indepence, etc. here)." If God made me into this person, why would He want me to change to be with someone I've been told He's handpicked for me? I've made my intentions very clear about my future; my lack on interest in children and even marriage seem to surprise most women, but like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7, you don't have to get married. In fact, singleness is a gift and those who are single are able to do so much more for God, because they have the time to do so. Don't get me wrong, I have my selfish reasons to remain single; I'd prefer a corner office, loft in the city and vacation to Europe.
This past week, I was ready for God to show me I've been lazy or something, how to fix it and in the end, I'd be closer to Him because of it. Instead, while I built houses alongside Jamaicans, for whatever reason, God kept bringing children to mind. Every night, we had courtyard and Jamaicans were invited to come to the house and hang out with us. I met all kinds of people, but kept my focus on the adult women. The next day on the jobsite, God brought up my own nephews. I thought, God forbid, if anything were to ever happen to my brother or sister, I would be willing to help out with my nephews. Not single-handedly raise them, but I'd allow them come over to my place for an hour or so on Saturdays. I shared this with the group the next morning before we went out to our serving opportunities and I got some funny looks, I know it doesn't sound like much, but that's a step for me.
That day on the job, there was a little girl at the house I was working at. Her name was Gabi and she was about 7-years-old. She helped me shovel cement, dig marl and smooth the walls--or at least she tried. In all honesty, she was in the way. She kept throwing the cement in the wrong piles, was mixing up sifted marl with the unsifted and dented a few of the walls. I knew right at that moment I spoke too soon, that's it, only a half hour on Mondays for the nephews. I wasn't exactly nice to her, either, but for whatever reason, she liked me. She wouldn't leave me alone, always wanting to hold my hand and hugging me. Eventually I learned how to deal with it and I just talked to her like I would talk to an adult. She wasn't so bad, she just didn't know what she was doing, and I wasn't telling her to do otherwise. Yet, still, I made it very apparent I don't want kids, and told more people than I ever had I don't ever want to get married, usually out of context, too. I was trying to avoid whatever it was God was trying to tell me.
If you were to ask me, I'd tell you I gave the reins to God years ago. I've become content with the hand I've been dealt, but one thing God showed me this week is that I've misinterpreted some of the things He's promised me. That just because I want a corner office and peace of mind forever, just because that isn't conventional doesn't mean that's what He wants for me. I know the waiting list for those things are much shorter for young Christiain women, but that doesn't mean it's in my future, who knows, maybe it is. But as of now, I'm no longer preparing my heart for the life I had planned out, but preparing for today, because that's all that's promised to me.
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